Telephone jokes 

What do you call a telephone call from

one vicar to another ?
A parson to parson call !

How did the telephones get married ?
In a
double ring ceremony !

What kind of phone makes music?
A
saxophone.

Why did the girl who worked for the
telephone company
sing all the time?
Because she was an operetta
(operator).

Who invented the telephone?
The
Phoenicians (phone-itions).

How do Iranians speak on the

telephone?
Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

If you cross a telephone and a lobster

what will you get?
Snappy talk.

If you cross a telephone and a pair of

scissors, what do you get?
Snippy answers.

Harry was madly in love with Betty, but
couldn't pluck up enough
courage to pop the question face to face.
Finally he decided to ask her on
the telephone. 'Darling!' he
blurted out, 'will you marry me?'
'Of course, I will, you silly boy,'
she replied, 'who is it
speaking?'

How does a skeleton call her friends?
On
a telebone.

What asks no question but demands an
answer?
A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

What did the man say when he got a
big
phone bill?
''Who said talk is cheap?''

Why is an engaged girl like a
telephone?
Because they both have rings.

A man and a couple of
his friends had
just finished a round of golf at the country club and
they were
changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The
man picked
it up and answered it.
''Hi honey,'' said the woman on the other end.


''Hi honey,'' replied the man.

''I was just calling to
tell you about this fur coat I found today.
It's beautiful fox fur
and I just love the way it looks on me. It's on
sale too, a real
bargain. It's down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get
it?''

The
man thought about it for a sec and said, ''You're sure it's a
good
deal?''

''Oh yes,'' replied the woman.

''Okay then, I guess
you can get it,'' replied the man.

The woman continued,''Oh, and
you know how we've been thinking about
getting rid of the Lexus
and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the
dealership today and
the guy gave me a real deal. He said he'd lower
the price from
$50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it?''

The man
thought a little harder and said,''If you're sure it's a good
deal, then
yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar.''

The woman continued again.
''Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that
house we saw last month
that we really liked, but decided we'd wait and
think about? Well,
it's on the market again, so I checked the price.
It's down to
$450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in
the
checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get
it?''


The man got a frown on his face and said,''See if you can get them
down
to $420,000. If they'll go down to that, go ahead and get it.''


The woman was extremely excited. ''Okay honey, thank you so
much! I'll
see you when I get home! Bye!''

''Bye,'' said the man.
He hung up the phone and looked at the other men
in the locker room
and said, ''Does anyone know whose phone this
is?''

Moody was
awakened by the telephone at
four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy,
Crumm, calling long
distance from Montgomery. ''What's the matter?''
asked Moody. ''Are you in
trouble?'' ''No!'' said Crumm.

''What do you want, then?'' ''Nothing!''
''Then how come you are
calling me in the middle of the night?''
asked Moody. ''Cause!'' said the
other redneck, ''the rates is
cheaper!''

Kelso met Hensley on the
street. ''Hey!''
said Kelso, ''how come I never hear from you? Why don't you
call me
on the telephone?'' ''You ain't got no tellyphone!'' said
Hensley. ''I
know,'' said Kelso. ''But you do!''

At three o'clock one morning a

veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his

telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. ''I'm sorry if

I woke you,'' said a voice at the other end of the line. ''That's all

right,'' said the vet, ''I had to get up to answer the telephone

anyway.''

Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?

Because it was so ET !

Who was that on the phone, Fred?
Fred:
No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance
from
Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down

!

Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone
cut off?
Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!