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Náhodný vtip

Delegacia politbyra sa bola v Izreali poklonit pri hrobe neznameho vojaka. Tu jeden clen delegacie, ktory trochu vedel hebrejsky, zistil, ze to je hrob Izaka Abelesa, predavaca zeleniny. Tak sa teda opytal sprievodcu, ako je to mozne. Ten mu odpovedal, ze pan Abeles bol samozrejme znamy ako predavac zeleniny, ale ako vojak bol uplne neznamy.

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Zoo jokes 

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Jokes found: 8543

Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young
zoo keeper
asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task.
''Go and
clean out the aquarium'' he was told.
Arriving at the aquarium, he
discovered that all the fish were dead. He
rushed back to the head
keeper and asked what he should do. ''Throw
them to the lions'' said
the head keeper, ''the lions will eat anything''.
So the young keeper
returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead
fish and threw
them into the lion's cage. That done, he returned and
asked what he
should do now.
He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house.
Off he went and
started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead
chimpanzees in the
cage, and rushed back for instructions. ''Dont
worry'' said the head
keeper, ''just throw them to the lions, the lions
will eat anything''. So the
young man returns to the ape house
and throws the dead animals into the
lions cage.
Returning
again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean
up the
insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he
notices
that all the bees have died.
''I know what to do'', he thinks to
himself ''I'll throw them all to
the lions, as the lions will eat
anything'', whereupon he brushes them
all up and throws them into the
lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains
a new lioness. The lioness is
walking around the new cage for the first
time, and starts asking
the other lions what things are like here.
''Hows the
accommodation?'', she asks. ''Fine'' comes the reply from one
lion. ''And whats the
food like?'' she asks.
''Not bad'' replies another, ''yesterday, we had
fish, chimps and mushy
bees''.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other
day. I
said, ''If you want people to see you they can come here and
do
it!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

''Hey, Pop,'' pleaded Angelo, ''can I go to the zoo
to see the monkeys?''

''What's the matter with you?'' asked his
father.

''Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt
Maud is
here?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

The
Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year
they predicted the general luck and
overall mood of the year by
watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears
were forward, that meant a
successful, joyous year was almost certain to
happen. But if his ears
were laid back flat against his head, it meant
that an unlucky or
very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was
young Mary's
turn to ''survey'' the animal and come up with the
prediction. It was
her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to
take the
key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu.
Well,
she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in
fact
it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran

the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S

EAR!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the

zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a

ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the
zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence
was forty
feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
kangaroo, ''How high
do you think they'll go?''
The kangaroo said,
''About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the
gate at night!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?

One to get in and one to get out.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

I was in the zoo last week.
Really? Which cage
were you in?

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

I took my son to the zoo yesterday.
Really,
did they accept him?

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Some vampires went to see Dracula. They
said,
''Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?''
''Yes,''
replied Dracula, ''have lots of giraffes.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Father and son standing outside the elephant's
cage in the Moscow
Zoo. Father tells son, ''If we stand around here
long enough, one of them
will throw some food at us.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A man went to work for a zoo
veterinarian.
''Look in the lion's mouth,'' the vet told him.
''How do I do that?'' he
asked.
''Carefully,'' replied the vet.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

The manager of a large city
zoo was drafting a
letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his
computer and typed
the following sentence: ''I would like to place an
order for two
mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.''

He stared
at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he
deleted
the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: ''I
would
like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your

earliest convenience.''

Again he stared at the screen, this time
focusing on the new word,
which seemed just as odd as the original
one. Finally, he deleted the whole
sentence and started all over.
''Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo
should be without a mongoose,'' he
typed. ''Please send us two of
them.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang

was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In
surprise he asked the ape, ''Why are you reading both those
books''?

''Well,'' said the orang-utang, ''I just wanted to know if I was
my
brother's keeper or my keeper's brother.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

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