Newest jokes

Why does the University of Tennesse footballteam wear orange to all their Saturday games? So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.

How do you sink a Polish submarine? You knock on the door.

Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.Sent by Lou

First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor
cycle
stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.

How does a queen bee get around her hive
?
She's throne !

What's black, yellow and covered in

blackberries ?
A bramble bee !

Why did the bee started talking poetry ?
He
was waxing lyrical !

What's more dangerous than being with a fool
?
Fooling with a bee !

Wife: ''Do you think of me when you're away

darling?''

Husband: ''Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.''

A man brings his
wife a glass of water
and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and says, I don't have a
headache!''

He says, ''Aha!''

Q: What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson

after the fight?
A: No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Tyson's psychologist told Mike to
take a
year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't
say
two!

Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first
week at spring
training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

What's at the end of Moby Dick?
A
whale of a time!

Did you hear about the whale who
couldn't keep a
secret?
He was a blubber mouth!

What do you get if you cross an eel
with a
shopper?
A slippery customer.

What do you get if you cross a bottle
of water
with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really!

Two men are having an awfully slow round
of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed to get into
every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course, and they didn't
bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper
golf
etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man
said, ''I think
I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through.'' He
walked out to
the fairway, got halfway to the ladies,
stopped,
turned around and came back, explaining, ''I can't
do it. One of those
women is my wife and the other
is my mistress. Maybe you'd better
go talk to them.''

The second man walked toward the ladies, go
halfway
there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,
turned
around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, ''Small
World!''

Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other?A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts,John volunteered, ''I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.''About a week later, Julie came to John and said, ''Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'' John said, ''Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure.'' So he sat down and wrote, ''Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.''Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read, ''Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.''