HoUM
0101.sk

Náhodný vtip

Aky je rozdiel medzi manzelom / manzelkou a robotou? Ziadny, obe ta stve rovnako aj po 40 rokoch.

viac vtipov viac vtipov

Newest jokes

search Search for your joke
Jokes found: 8543

A police officer, though scheduled for

all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home
four
hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to
wake his
wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and
started to
climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and
said, ''Mike,
dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store
on the next block
and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting
headache.''
''Certainly, honey,'' he said, and feeling his way across
the dark
room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.


As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, ''Say,'' said
the
druggist, ''I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick,

right?''

''Yeah, so?'' said the officer.

''Well what
the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire
Chief?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

One evening this
Columbia Yuppie was
stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a
breath test by the
Howard County Police.

''Well ?'' he asked somewhat belligerently
as the Desk Sergeant slowly
read the print out and entered the
information in the arrest record.

''Disappointing to say the least,''
the Sergeant replied. ''Chateau
Duvalier... 1962... rather thin...
not aged well at all.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
denominator in this problem please?
Don't tell me that they
haven't found it yet, I remember looking for
it when I was a boy!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says
''I don't know'' and you have put ''Me,
neither''!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do
it then, I'm nearly ten!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car,
who's
driving?
A: The police.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to
discuss
a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
''Your
holiness,'' said one of the Cardinals, ''Mr. Peres wants to
determine
whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to
a golf match.''
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held
a golf club in his
life.

''Not to worry,'' said the Cardinal,
''we'll call America and talk to
Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a
Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres...
We can't lose!'' Everyone
agreed it was a good idea. The call was made
and, of course, Jack was
honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus
reported to the Vatican to inform the
Pope of his success in the
match. ''I came in second, your Holiness,''
said Nicklaus.


''Second?!!'' exclaimed the surprised Pope. ''You came in second to
Shimon
Peres?!!''

''No,'' said Nicklaus, ''second to Rabbi Woods.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf

later than normal and very tired. ''Bad day at the course?'' his wife

asked.

''Everything was going fine,'' he said. ''Then Harry had a
heart attack
and died on the 10th tee.''

''Oh, that's
awful!''

''You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the
ball,
drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Q: Did you hear about the new
blonde paint?

A: It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Q: How are women and rocks alike?
A: You
skip across the flat ones.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Q: How do you find a blind man
in a nudist
colony?
A: It's not hard.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. Aftera while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: ''Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?'' The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: ''Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?'' ''No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband.''The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: ''Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?'' The saleswoman answers: ''Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split.''To which the Italian woman answers: ''No no no, that's not-a my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

How should you treat a baby
goat?
Like a kid.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a

cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What kind of dog sounds
like you can eat it
?
A sausage dog !

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a
meal
?
That hit the spots !

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a

hyena ?
I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A police man was on
duty one night and he
headed up to ''Make out
Mountain'' to try to catch some couples in the
act.

When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a
couple sat,
and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl
next to him
was knitting.

He tapped on the window and said he
was with the police department then
asked how old he was and the
guy said, ''I'm 22 sir.'' ''Well how old
is she?'' the officer then
asked.

Looking at his watch the guy replied, ''She'll be 18 in about
6
minutes.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, ''Operator, giff me beck the party!''She says, ''I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again.''He says, ''What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.''She says, ''I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again.''He says, ''Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!'' And he hangs up.Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, ''We came to take your telephone out.''He says, ''Vy?''They say, ''Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here.''He says, ''Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?'' He goes to the telephone and dials. ''Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?''She says, ''Yes?''He says, ''Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? Because they don't want to wear out the donkey.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

© 2009-2013 Act of Light, All Rights Reserved.