Newest jokes

What purrs along the road and leaves
holes in
the lawn?
A Moles Royce.

yo mamma so fat she make a whale look
bulimic

yo
mama aint got no ears hollin bout let
me hear both sides of da story!

Yo
mama so ugly she got beat up by her
imaginary friends

Yo Mama so fat she gives herself group

hugs!

One goldfish to his tankmate:
''If
there's no God, who changes the water?''

A student engineer in the office got engaged
some time ago. At
her
wedding, I was reminding her of the first
day she wore her ring. None
of the other women in the office even
noticed.

Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said ''Boy
!!! It's so
warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring.''

A lady with a
large flowery hat was
stopped at the church door by the
usher. ''Are you a friend of the bride
?'' he asked.

''Certainly not,'' she snapped, ''I'm the groom's
mother.''

I know
a husband and wife who have
separate bedrooms, drive different
cars, take separate vacations, work
different shifts, have their own
computers, and even have their own
ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and
Home Pages. They say they're doing
everything they can to keep their
marriage together.

A few moments after the daughter announced

her engagement, her Father
asked, ''Does this fellow have any money
?''

The daughter shook her head sadly. ''Oh Daddy ! You men are
all
alike.''
sighing deeply, she replied, ''That's exactly what he
asked me about
you.''

Barbie and G.I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, ''What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?'' The little girl replies, ''I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe.'' Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, ''I thought Barbie comes with Ken.'' ''No,'' said the little girl. ''She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.''

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. ''I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previouscustomer, I'll smell it and order from there.'' A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirtydish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns tothe blind man's table and hands it to him. The blindman puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deepbreath. ''Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf andmashed potatoes.'' Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walkstowards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner'swife and he tells her what had just happened. The blindman eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the ownermistakingly brings him a menu again. ''Sir, remember me?I'm the blind man.''''I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you adirty fork.'' The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it tothe blind man. After another deep breath, the blind mansays, ''That smells great, I'll take the Macarroni andchesse with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief,the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with himand tells his wife that the next time the blind man comesin he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see'shim coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, ''Maryrub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.'' Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blindman walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. ''Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already havethe fork ready for you.'' The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff andsays, ''Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?''

If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, can they still be brother and sister?

What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? - Quattro Sink-o

How does a Russian commit suicide? He smells his armpit How does an American commit suicide? He tells this joke to a Russian.

HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies

changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.

- Santa Claus, one
smart and one stupid
policeman are walking together when they spotted
hundred dollars on
the ground. Who will take the money?
- ???
- Stupid policeman,
since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't
exist.

Why did the dog wear white sneakers ?
Because
his boots were at the menders !

What do you get if you cross
a giraffe with a
dog ?
An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

Where do Eskimos train
their dogs ?
In the
mush room !