Newest jokes

What has four wheels and flies ?
A rubbish
bin !

Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to
work?
A: A buzzness suit!

What do you call a bee who's had a spell put

on him ?
He's bee-witched !

A hungry lion was
roaming through
the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One
was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away
on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on
the man reading the
book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that
readers digest, and writers
cramp.

Q: Why would it be
difficult to be a police
officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local
police station, along with
her next-door neighbor, to report that
her husband was missing. The
policeman asked for a description of the
missing man.

The wife said, ''He is 35 years old, 6-foot
4-inches, has dark eyes,
dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185
pounds, is soft-spoken, and
is good to the children.''

The
next-door neighbor protested, ''Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches,
chubby,
bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.''

The wife
replied, ''Yes, but who wants HIM back?''

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire
haired terriers !!

What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly
collie !

Q:
Why does a dog wag it's tail? - A: No one
else will do it for them

Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand
paper? - A:
RUFF!

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly.The passerby asks, ''Who's in your upstairs room?''The elderly man replies, ''I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs.''The passerby hands him the used condom and says, ''Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!''

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, ''Let's get off the corner.'' No one moved, so he barked again, ''Let's get off the corner!'' Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ''Well, how did I do?''''Pretty good,'' replied the veteran, ''especially since this was a bus stop.''

Woman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It's 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis... Clerk: You'll have to spell that one for me.

Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex? She can't stand it to see her husband enjoy himself.

How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team? Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.

Q: How do you deal with heavy
traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't

you?
Pupil: Not very much!

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put

your hand to your mouth!

Pupil: What?, and get bitten!

Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!