Newest jokes

Q: Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette

or a red-headed snowman?
A: A blonde, because you have to
hollow out its head,

What did the snowman order at MacDonalds
?
Icerbergers with chilli sauce !

What do snowmen call their offspring?

Chill-dren.

A
journalist assigned to the Jerusalem
bureau takes an
apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day
when she
looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously.
So
the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.


She asks: ''You come every day to the wall. How long have you

done that and what are you praying for?''

The old man replies,
''I have come here to pray every day for 25
years. In the morning I
pray for world peace and then for the
brotherhood of man. I go home
have a cup of tea and I come
back and pray for the eradication of
illness and disease from
the earth.''

The journalist is
amazed. ''How does it make you feel to come
here every day for 25 years
and pray for these things?'' she
asks.

The old man looks at her
sadly. ''Like I'm talking to a wall.''

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a
stack of
papers, yelling, ''Read all about it. Fifty people
swindled! Fifty people
swindled!''

Curious, a man walked over, bought
a paper, and checked the front page.
Finding nothing, the man said,
''There's nothing in here about fifty
people being
swindled.''

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, ''Read all about it.

Fifty-one people swindled!''

A film crew was on location deep in the
desert. One day an old
Indian went up to the director and said,
''Tomorrow rain.'' The next day
it rained. A week later, the Indian went up
to the director and said,
''Tomorrow storm.'' The next day there was
a hailstorm.

''This Indian is incredible,'' said the director. He
told his secretary
to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several
successful predictions, the old Indian didn't
show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. ''I have to
shoot a big scene tomorrow,''
said the director, ''and I'm depending
on you. What will the weather
be like?''

The Indian shrugged
his shoulders. ''Don't know,'' he said. ''Radio is
broken.''

An American was waiting on a London street corner. Anattractive English girl was passing by when a gust ofwind blew her dress above her waist. ''A bit airy, isn't it?'' remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,'''Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!''

A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenlyhe notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.He stops, bangs on the window and says,''So, what does this cost ??!!''.And the hooker replies,''25 dollars !!''.And the Pollock said ,''Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulatedwindows !!''.

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep? A pimp

How do you play Iraqi bingo?F18...B52...F18Sent by Onky

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long KeshPrison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. ''ForHeavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried theGUNS!!!At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug upthe entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote tohis son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. Hisson's reply was: ''Just plant your potatoes.''

What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A
dead end.

Knock Knock
Who's there !
Boo !
Boo
who ?
Just Boo ! I'm a ghost !

|Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, ''I wouldn't eat that if I were you.'' ''Why not?'' ''I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.''

|Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ''I think I'll go up and get a coke.'' ''No problem,'' said the Israeli. ''I'll get it for you.'' While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ''That looks good. I think I'll have one too.'' Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. ''How long must this go on?'' he asked. ''This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?''

|Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. ''Sid,'' asked Al, ''are there any Jews in China?''''I don't know,'' Sid replied. ''Why don't we ask the waiter?''When the waiter came by, Al asked him, ''Are there any Chinese Jews?''''I don't know sir, let me ask,'' the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, ''No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.''''Are you sure?'' Al asked.''I will check again, sir,'' the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, ''I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.''When the waiter returned he said, ''Sir, no Chinese Jews.''''Are you really sure?'' Al asked again.''I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.''''Sir, I ask everyone,'' the waiter replied exasperated. ''We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.''

|An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

Why did the witch go to the
psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her.

A guy had been feeling down for so long

that he finally decided to seek the aid of a
psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the

profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel
better.

The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat

thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his
face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said,
''Um, I
think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common
among
losers.''

The
psychology instructor had just
finished a lecture on mental health and
was giving an oral
test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, ''How would

you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the
top of
his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the
next?''

A young man in the rear raised his hand and
answered, ''A basketball
coach?''