Newest jokes

Two goldfish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says ''Do you know how to drive this thing?''

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?A headbanger

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks. ''What do you think the problem is?'' one man asked his companion. ''I dunno,'' came the reply, ''Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high enough.''

What do you do with a dog with no legs?Take it for a drag.

A fire broke out in a six story apartment

building last week in a near by town. A blonde, a redhead, and a

brunette escaped the flames by climbing up onto the roof.
When the
fire department arrived they got out a blanket held it up and
the
Chief called out to the brunette to jump into the blanket.
The
brunette jumped. As she was falling 'swoosh' the firefighters
pulled
the blanket away and she landed on the street like a brick.
The
firefighters then held the blanket back up and the Chief told the
redhead
to jump.
''No way! I saw what you did to my friend.'' exclaimed the
redhead.
''I am sorry'' said the Chief, ''My wife was a brunette and she

divorced me. I just don't like brunettes. We have no problems with

redheads....jump it's your only chance.''
So the redhead jumped.
On the way down 'swoosh' the firefighters
pulled the blanket away
and she hit the pavement like a tomato!''
The firefighters a
gain held up the blanket and the Chief told the
blonde to jump.
The fire was getting worse and her only chance of survival
was to
jump.
''No I am not jumping. I saw what you did to my two
friends.''
''I'm sorry'' said the Chief, ''I explained what happened to the

brunette and when the redhead jumped we were a little distracted. It will

not happen again, just jump!''
The blonde thought for a moment. ''OK
I'll jump - but first I want you
to lay the blanket on the ground,
back away, and then I'll jump into
it.''

Q. What kind of ears do pumpers have?

A. Engineers.

All of the firefighters at my station are
quick.
They're even ''fast'' asleep!

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face

and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. ''if I ever
stop
hating girls,'' said one to the other, ''I think I'll stop hating
her
first.''

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll
make an
exception.

What's the hardest thing about learning to
ride a bicycle?
The road.

When does a dog go ''moo'' ?
When it is learning
a new language !

What did the dog use to make his

kite?
Flypaper.

What kind of modeling clay does a dog use?

Fi-Do!

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A
petticoat !

What is your dog's favorite breakfast?

Pooched eggs!

What do you call someone who dances on cars
?
A morris dancer !

What do you get if you cross an insect and a

dance ?
A cricket ball !

Where can you dance in California?
San
Frandisco.

Why did you drive the lawn mower over your
Easter
basket?
I thought the plastic grass was growing too high!

Why do we paint
Easter eggs?
Because
it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!