Newest jokes

The blind farmer was often taken for a
walk
in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might

have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards
them
one day, he abandoned the blind man.

The bull, puzzled
by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He
turned very
quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the
ground with
a bump that left it breathless.

''Aidan,'' said the neighbor, ''I
never knew you were so strong.''

''Faith, and if I could have got
that fella off the handlebars of the
bicycle I'd have thrashed him
properly.''

A nun in the convent
walked into the
bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
''There is a blind man
to see you,'' she says. ''Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does
not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in.''

The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to
tell him how
much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on
and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: ''That's
nice and
all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you
want
me to put these blinds?

What is the definition of a goose ?
An animal
that grows down as it grows up !

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

What is a parrot?
A wordy birdy!

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting
''Pieces of
four''?
Short John Silver!

Auntie Gladys
bought herself a new
rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for
a spin, but
after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got
out and
opened up the front of the car. 'Oh, Gladys,' said her
friend,
'you've lost your engine!'
'Never mind dear,' said auntie.
'I've got a spare one in the
trunk.'

Did you hear about
the girl who was
so keen on road safety that she always wore white at
night
?
Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a

Japanese car ?
Because she'd never be able to learn the
language

Brother: How do you top a car
?
Sister: Tep on the brake, tupid.

A middle-aged
Jewish guy is out to dinner
with his wife to celebrate her fortieth
birthday.
He says, ''So
what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A
diamond
necklace?''
She says, ''Bernie, I want a divorce.'' He says, ''I wasn't
planning
on spending that much.''

Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman
petitions the
court for a
divorce on the grounds that her husband
''beats her.'' The Judge,
wanting every detail asked how often it was he
beat the woman.

''Every damn time your Honor,'' she sighed, ''Every
damn time
!''

With the divorce rate so high in America, a
new organization has been
formed called ''Marriage Anonymous.'' Whenever
a guy feels like getting
married, they send over a woman with
crulers in her hair, cream on her
face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag
him out of it.

What did the fireman's wife get for
Christmas ?
A ladder in her stocking !

A fire started on some grassland near a

farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called
to
put the fire out.

The fire proved to be more than the
small town fire department could
handle, so someone suggested that a
rural volunteer fire department be
called. Though there was doubt
that they would be of any assistance, the
call was made.

The
volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.

They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the

flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically

started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out
the
center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily
controllable parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire
department's work
and so grateful that his farm had been spared,
that he presented the
volunteer fire department with a check for
$1000. A local news reporter
asked the volunteer fire captain what
the department planned to do with
the funds.

''That should be
obvious,'' he responded, ''the first thing we're
gonna do is get the
brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck.''

Q. How do you get down from an aerial

ladder?
A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down
from a
duck.

How do you spell a hated opponent with three
letters?
NME (enemy).

Spell mousetrap with three
letters.
C-A-T

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Trailer Park Barbie ...for the parent who wants to show their child

what grown-up life is really going to be like

There is a new Barbie doll
on the
market - Battering Ram Barbie ...Barbie's head on the end of a

battering ram