Newest jokes

On the first day at school the girls were

sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on
each
other.
'I come from a one-parent family,' said one little
girl proudly.
'That's nothing. Both my parents remarried after
they got divorced. I
come from a four parent family !'

A little
girl was next in line. 'My
name's Curtain,' she said.
'I hope your first name is not Agnate
?'
'No, it's velvet !'

Does
killing time damage
eternity?

How come it takes so little time for a

child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to
stay
out all night?

A friend
of mine just got divorced. He and
his ex-wife split the
house. He got the outside.

This blind guy was walking pass the fish market and he said''Good morning ladies..''

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

What's a parrot's favourite song?
I love
Parrots in the Springtime!

What's a parrot's favourite
game?
Monopoly!

Why do parrots carry umbrellas?
So they don't
become polly-saturated!

What do you get if cross a science fiction film

with a toad ?
Star Warts !

What kind of shoes to frogs like ?
Open toad
sandals !

What do you call the English Toad Prize giving

cermony ?
The Brit Awarts !

Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?

They always want to play leap frog with him

Why is a frog luckier
than a cat ?

Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine

times !

Dan: My little brother is a
real
pain.
Nan: Things could be worse.
Dan: How?
Nan: He could be
twins !

First Boy: Why is your brother
always flying off the handle
?
Second Boy: Because he's got a screw
loose !

Why do gay men have moustaches? To hide the stretchmarks.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?lick-a-lot-a-pusSent by rob