Newest jokes

Two cows were talking in the field one day.First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?Second Cow: Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?

What is a monster's favourite society?
The
Consumers' Association.

How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
When it comes out in conversation.

Why do pigs have flat snouts?
From running in
to trees.

Why couldn't the pig pay his bill?
He was a
little shoat.

What's yellow and always points to the north?

A magnetic banana.

Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing

firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

How did the Mother Banana
spoil the Baby
Banana?
She left him out in the sun too long.

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: ''Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?''The other answered: ''Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!''

A little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said ''Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull''. ''How disgusting'' said the teacher ''I am sure your father could have done that'' ''No ma'm, he couldn't have'' said the little sod ''It has to be the Bull''.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:''don't'' and ''stop''.

Man walks into a supermarket and buys :1 bar of soap1 toothbrush1 tube toothpaste1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk1 single serving cereal1 single serving frozen dinnerThe girl at the checkout looks at him and says ''Single are you?''The man replies very sarcastically ''How did you guess?''She replies ''because you're ugly.''

How did skeletons send each other
letters
in the days of the Wild West?
By Bony Express.

Betty was scribbling industriously over some
paper
with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.
''I'm
not drawing, Mom,'' she said indignantly, ''I'm writing a
letter to
Fred.'' ''But you can't write,'' Mom pointed out. ''That's all
right,''
said Betty, ''Fred can't read.''

What
did the werewolf write at the bottom
of the letter?
Best vicious . . .

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good timeand ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractiveyoung man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him overto his place.They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, andproceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quiteconcerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parkedcars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reachJohnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceedsto smash into parked cars as he's parking his.As they got out of the car Johnny asked, ''So Bob, do youlike my feminine side?''

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a barone evening and said to the bartender ''Give everyone a drinkexcept that gay guy over there''About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, ''Give everyonea drink except that gay guy over there''The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartenderasks why, and the gay guy says ''I am going to put one in eachcheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!''

How do faggots get a condom off? They fart.

THREE GAY GUYS WERE ALL IN A CAR CRASH AND DIED. ALL THREE GUYS WERE CREMATED.THERE BOYFRIENDS WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO WITH THE ASHES.THE FIRST BOYFRIEND SAID I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE AND SPREAD HIS ASHES IN THE SKY BECAUSE THATS WHAT HE LIKED. THE SECOND GUY SAID I AM GOING TO SPREAD MY BOYFRIENDS ASHESIN THE SEA BECAUSE IT'S WHAT HE LIKED.THE THIRD GUY SAID I'M GOING TO PUT MY BOYFRIENDS ASHES IN A BOWL OF CHILI SO HE CAN RIP THROUGH MY ASS ONE LAST TIME!!Sent by ANTHONY

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.Then, one of them got an idea, saying ''I know, let's play swords!''''Play swords?'' asked the other. ''How?'' ''Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords.''So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords.Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.''We're playing swords!'' yelled one of the bums.The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. ''I'm tired,'' he said. He bent over saying, ''kill me!, killme!!''