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Náhodný vtip

Pride babka k fararovi. Pan farar, ja mam problem. Mam dve papagajice a tie od rana do vecera vykrikuju "my sme dve flandry a chceme tr... Farar : To nic, sestra, ja mam doma dvoch papagajov a oni od rana do vecera odriekavaju modlitby a v klietke maju patricky. Dame ich spolu, snad sa nieco tie vase nerestnice priucia. Tak sa ja stalo. Posadia ich spolu a papagajice zacnu. "my sme dve flandry a chceme tr..... Jeden papagaj pozrie na druheho a hovori. "Lorik, odloz patricky, nase modlitby boli vyslysane!"

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A little corporate humor----------------------I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, ''Why the spoons?''''Well,'' he explained, ''our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. Just as he concluded, a ''ch-ching'' came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket.''I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead ofmaking a special trip,'' he proudly explained.I was impressed. ''Thanks. I had to ask.''''No problem,'' he answered, then he continued to take our orders.As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes dartedback & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. ''Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?''''Oh, yeah'' he began in a quieter tone. ''Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too.'' ''How's that, I asked?''''You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . ., selves, we canpull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminatethe need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over93%!'' ''Oh, that makes sense,'' I said, but then thinking through theprocess, I asked, ''Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?''''Well,'' he whispered, ''I don't know about the other guys; but I usethe spoon in my pocket''!

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What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clopclip clop?An Amish drive by shooting!

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What's as big as a horse, but weighs
nothing?
A horses shadow!

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0101.sk

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of

his Macintosh?
An Appaloosa!

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What is the difference between a horse and a
duck?
One goes quick and the other goes quack!

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Where do the cleverest parrots live?
In the
brain tree forests!

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|This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.''You got any I.D.?'' the patrolman asked.'''''Bout what?'' the hillbilly replied.

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|A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.''I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?'' Stated the counsel for the insurance company.''Yes, that's right,'' replied the farmer, nodding his head.''You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?''''Yeah, but'' stammered the farmer.''A simple yes or not will suffice,'' counsel interrupted quickly.''Yes,'' Replied the farmer.Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. ''Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health,'' his lawyer said.''Certainly,'' replied the farmer. ''After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. ''Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. ''Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?''

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Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to

screw in a light bulb?
A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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I'm suffering from bad breath
You should
do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the
dentist.

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Dentist: Don't worry. I'm
painless.
Patient: I'm not.

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Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the
gold
and silver in my mouth?
Dentist: Don't smile in a bad
neighborhood.

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Who has
the most dangerous job in
Transylvania?
Dracula's dentist.

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Why was the man arrested for looking at sets
of dentures in a dentist's
window?
Because it was against the
law to pick your teeth in public.

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A man calls the fire
department and
says, ''Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I
have a nice
new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new
rose
garden.''

''Very nice,'' the firefighter says, ''but what does that have
to do
with the fire service?''

''Well,'' the man answers, ''the
house next door is on fire and I
don't want you to trample my front
yard.''

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A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory
was always late for work.
When confronted by his boss the man
explained:
''You can't park anywhere near this place!''

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After the
fire-truck arrived at a
burning building in a small Spanish town, the
firemen observed a man
dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on
the roof. Four of
the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape
from the
burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and
loudly
proclaimed, ''I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing,
not even
fire.''

The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept
prancing
around while repeating the same phrase over and over until
the firemen got
really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when
the flames began to
scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed
his mind, was ready to
jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his
body hurtled toward the
safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
''Ole!'' and quickly moved it
aside.

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The Fire brigade phones George Graham in
the
early hours of Sunday morning.

''Mr Graham sir, White Hart
Lane is on fire!''

''The cups man! Save the cups!'' cries
George.

''Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir.''

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What does the aardvark take sailing?
An
aard ark!

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How do ants hide from aardvarks?
They
disguise themselves as uncles!

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0101.sk

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