Newest jokes

How many psychiatrists does it take to

change a light bulb? ''How long have you been having this

phantasy?''

How does a door chime answer the phone?

Bella?

How can you tell if someone who's just had

a perm is on the phone?
You get a frizzy signal!

What did the spider say to the fly ?
We're
getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?

How do
you spot a modern spider ?
He
doesn't have a web he had a website !

What are spiders webs good
for ?
Spiders
!

First Caribou: Which bug does amazing
motor
cycle stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.

First Kangaroo: How do you tell the

difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo:
The elephant has a better memory.

Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper ?

He had his own frog horn !

What do you call a rich frog ?
A golf blooded
reptile !

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?
They
sit eggsaminations !

I'd like a new frog, please.
But you bought
one only yesterday. What happened?
It Kermit-ted suicide.

Q: What do you call a frog
with no hind
legs?
A: Unhoppy!!

Why did the little kid dance on the jar of
jam?
Because the top said, ''Twist to open.''

What is a jockey's motto?
Put your money
where your mount is!

There were two cows in a paddock, enjoying the sun and eating some grass. The first cow said ''Moo.''And the second cow said ''That's funny, I was just about to say that.''

Tourist guide at zoo: ''Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, thelargest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too late; George, dig her out.''

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the antwakes up and the elephant is dead. ''Damn'', says the ant, ''one nightof passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!''

Men are like shag
carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and
extremely easy to walk on.

Men are like vacuum
cleaners.
They're not
much fun, but at least you get to push them around.