Newest jokes

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all jump off a cliff. Which onehit the bottom first?Not the blonde, she needed directions!

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on him.Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way, unique up on him.

Knock Knock...Who's There?Boo...Boo Who?Stop crying it's just a joke!

How do you stop a monster from
smelling?
Cut off his nose.

Where do you find monster snails?
On the
end of monsters fingers.

Where do space monsters live?
In far
distant terror-tory.

How does a ghost start a letter?
Tomb it
may concern.

Last night I wrote myself a letter.
But I
forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from
his
girlfriend?
It's a dead letter day.

What kind of letters did the
snake get from
his admirers?
Fang mail.

Why did the young witch have
such
difficulty writing letters?
She had never learned to spell properly.

First man: How'd you get that black eye?Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore.First man: She punched you?Second man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.

The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, ''Compared to what?'' She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, ''I'm bigger than that.'' Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ''I'm bigger than that.'' Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, ''I'm about that big.'' She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, ''You're a medium.''

Your so bald your bald

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat

on the barber's chair
and said, ''I'll have a shave and a shoe
shine.'' The barber
began to lather his face while a woman with the
biggest,
firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen

knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, ''Young
lady, you and I should go and spend
some time in a hotel room.''


She replied, ''I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.


The cowboy said, ''Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay

you the difference.''

She said, ''You tell him. He is the one
shaving you.''

Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you
for a green
rabbit.

I had a dream you were a tire last
night. I woke up and you were
bald.

Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I

say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?

Doctor, doctor,
people keep telling
me I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.