Newest jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the

market - Marsha Clark Barbie ...with a bad haircut and a bad

attitude

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Kleptomaniac Barbie ...doll
with suction cup hands

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
LAPD Barbie ...comes with two
nightsticks, in case one gets broken
subduing a suspect. Taser also
available.

What is the definition of ultimate rejection? Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. ''How do you account for this?'' he asked the brothers.''It's hereditary, sir,'' the older one replied.''I see,'' said the doctor, writing in his file. ''Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?''''No sir, our mother.''''Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!''''I know, sir,'' replied the recruit, ''but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.''

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FORCover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: PricelessFor everthing else.... There's MasterCard

WHY IS AN IMPOTENT MAN LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE?-THEY BOTH HAVE BALLS FOR DECORATION

How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

|Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop.One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment.The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

Q: What can a
goose do, a duck can't, and a
lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest

children?
A: Ask your mother.

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says, 'If you can sit in my basement for a day I'll give you free beer forever.' So the first man says, 'Easy. I can do that.' But he walks out after five minutes and says, 'It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.' So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than 10 minutes. Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later. The others ask him how he did it. He said, 'Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!'

YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU
WHERE A
TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.

a guy was teased everywhere of his

totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that
he
should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest
statue and
shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM
TALLER
THAN MY HAIR!'

After accepting an
invitation to
dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants
to
lighten the mood and says, ''Honey, God was good to you, gave you a

handsome face and room for another one.''

Why did the raccoon cross the road? He didn't, he got hit by a car.

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.Having watched what happened, a passerby said, ''Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!''''I know,'' said the blind man, ''but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.''

Why was the mother flea
feeling down in
the dumps?
Because she thought her children were all going to the
dogs.

Why was the lightning bug unhappy?
Because
her children were not very bright.

Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond
of fish. She was also
rather deaf, which was great for the children
in her class.
''What Mrs Smith needs,'' said one of her colleagues,
''is a
herring-aid.''