Newest jokes

What do you call a big irish spider ?
Paddy
long legs !

What is a spiders favourite TV show ?
The
newly web game !

What did the spider say when he broke his new

web ?
Darn it !

The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of ''Baywatch''have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise.After all, both companies have made millions off airheads withflawless skins, Malibu tans, and synthetic breasts.If Baywatch Barbie sells well, other Barbie/TV tie-ins seem certainto follow. Some possibilities:Melrose Place Barbie: Comes complete with her Barbie Dream Apartment,where Skipper and the rest of the gang live rent-free. Other accessoriesinclude a bottle of vodka, silk sheets and an arrest warrant.Dr. Barbie, Medicine Woman: This helpful doll offers other homesteadersimportant tips like what conditioner to use out on the Plains and how totake care of their nails while shoeing a horse.America's Most Wanted Barbie: She's on the run after 30 years of crimeagainst feminism.Oprah Barbie: Push a button on her back and this Barbie actually speaks!Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class is,Ballerina Barbie's struggle with bulimia, and Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.My So-Called Barbie: She faces the same troubling issues as regular teens whodon't have huge wardrobes, pools, ponies, and perfect bods.Roseanne Barbie: The dark side of the American dream is explored with this doll,which shows what happened after Barbie graduated from high school, married tooyoung and ate too much.Murder, Barbie Wrote: Whenever this elder stateswoman of the Barbie set (she's 27!)arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.

What is the loose skin around the pussy called? -The woman.

The boy asks his dad:''What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?''The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around acrotch and says: ''Everything inside the circle is a 'pussy',everything outside the circle is a 'cunt'''

Q: WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED? A: Who cares?

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. ''If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it''.Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.The driver nodded and said, ''Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to K-Mart.''

Teacher: This note from your father looks like
your handwriting ?
Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen !

Did I tell you I had this woman pounding on my door all night last night?Yeah, I finally let her out!

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at
his
local pub?
The landlord said ''Sorry, we don't serve
spirits.''

Why did the ghost work at
Scotland Yard?

He was the Chief In-Spectre.

Why did the ghost go to the funfair.
He
wanted to go on the rollerghoster.

What do you call a ghost that stays out all

night?
Afresh air freak.

What did the papa ghost say
to the baby
ghost.
Fasten your sheet belt.

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, ''Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.'' Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. ''Well,'' said the other brother, ''you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.''

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, ''Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!'' ''So?'' asked the ducks former owner, ''did you remember to light the candle under the pot?''

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, ''Yahoo!'' and rode off. ''What did you do to get that Indian so excited?'' asked the service stationattendant. ''Nothing,'' shrugged the woman, ''I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'' ''Lady,'' the attendant said, ''Indians ride bareback...''

Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without the camel. The man who had rented them the camel was very upset and screamed, ''Where is my camel?'' They replied, ''Well, we were riding along when we kept hearing people say, 'Look at the two assholes on that camel!' So finally we got off to take a look and the damn camel ran away!''

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. ''Please fill this immediately,'' she asked. ''I've got people waiting in my car!''