Newest jokes

Why is stupid monster
like a
jack-o'-lantern?
They both have empty heads.

The monster spent a fortune
on deodorants
before he found out that people didn't like him
anyway.

How do man-eating monsters count to a
thousand?
On their warts.

Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs
at
him?
Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.

Andy: ''Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last
night. I
dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus
girls in the
world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a
row.''
Doctor: ''Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible.''

Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end.''

Doctor, doctor, nobody understands

me.
What do you mean by that?

Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a

wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.

One behaviorist to another after
lovemaking:

''Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for
me?''

|Digger Phelps' Words of WisdomFrom the NCAA Tournament:''Basketball is a game of two halves.''''We have to remember that whoever scores the most points by the end wins.''''You're either a good team or a bad team, and they played somewhere in the middle.''''He's like all great players -- not great yet.''''You don't score 86 points without being able to shoot.''

A man and a little boy entered a
barbershop
together. After the man received the full treatment - shave,
shampoo,
manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the
chair.

''I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,'' he said.

''I'll be back in a few minutes.''

When the boy's haircut was
completed and the man still hadn't
returned, the barber said,
''Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about
you.'' ''That wasn't my
daddy,'' said the boy. ''He just walked up, took
me by the hand and
said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free
haircut!'''

A man enters a barber shop for a shave.

While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has

getting a close shave around the cheeks.

''I have just the
thing,'' says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby
drawer. ''Just place this between your cheek and gum.''

The client
places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with
the
closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the

client asks in garbled speech.

''And what if I swallow it?''


''No problem,'' says the barber. ''Just bring it back tomorrow like

everyone else does.''

What did
the woodworm say to the chair
?
It's been nice gnawing you !

How can you tell if you are looking at
a
police glow worm ?
it has a blue light !

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag
?
They can lighten your load !

There is a
new Barbie doll on the
market - Chain Smoker Barbie ...with Surgeon
General's warning on
box

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Junkie Barbie ...complete with needle tracks

What type of wind is named after a young
deer?


Foehn

How does a male lightning bolt feel when he
notices an
attractive female lightning
bolt?


Thunderstruck

Why is the sky not happy on clear
days?


It has the blues

Which weather features do druggies like
most?


Highs