Newest jokes

Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue?A: Because the rice falls through the grill

What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?We B Toyz N' Shit

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down. The first vampire says,''I'd like a pint of blood.'' The second vampire says,''I'd like a pint of blood, too.'' Then the third vampire says,''I'd like a pint a plasma.'' Then the bartender says,''OK, so let me get this straight, you want two bloods and a blood light?''

Okay a man is in a bar and he's gettin really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his jacket and the bartender asks him, ''Do you wanna drink?''And the man replies, ''Nah, Man Im not drinking anymore. I was so drunk last night I was blowing Chunks all night!''And the bartender says, ''Thats okay it happens to everyone when they are drunk.''Then the man says, ''No you dont understand my dog's name is Chunks.''

A string walks into a bar and ask the waiter for a beer. The waiter says, ''I am sorry but we can't serve strings here.''The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, ''Waiter, give me a beer.'' The waiter says,''Hey aren't you the string who came in here earlier.''The string replies, ''No, I'm a fraid knot.''

Please try the following:

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call.Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: ''I spit in my beer.''When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: ''I spit in your beer, too!''

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road

without looking both ways?
Dead.

New scientific theories3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdevelopedbecause they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet meansthe Chinese cannot use ''acronyms''; thus, they cannot communicatetheir ideas at a faster rate.

Q. Where do tired linedancers go for
Breakfast?
A. Ihop

A huge American car screeched to a

halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a
local
inhabitant,
''Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's
birthplace?''
''Ay, straight on, sir,'' said the rustic, ''but no need
to hurry.
He's dead.''

What did the teacher say after
spending thousands in the
expensive hotel?
I'm sorry to leave, now
that I've almost bought the place.

On her
annual visit to another
planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward
and says. ''I hope
this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound.
''Why?'' replies the
cabin steward. ''Because my friend and I want to
talk, that's
why.''

The transatlantic liner was

experiencing particularly heavy weather, and Mrs Jones wasn't feeling
well.
''Would you care for some more supper, ma'am?'' asked the
steward.
''No, thanks,'' replied the wretched passenger. ''Just throw it
overboard
to save me the trouble.''

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and noone is there. He looks all around and he finally sees alittle snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up andthrows it across the street into a field.Ten years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on hisdoor. He opens it up and no one is there.He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snailsitting on the doormat.The snail looks up and says, ''What the hell was that allabout?''

What do you get when you cross a Rooster with an owl?A Cock that can stay up all night!!

During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placeda winning bid told the auctioneer, ''I'm paying a fortunefor that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say hedoes.''''I guarantee it, madam,'' replied the auctioneer. ''Who doyou think was bidding against you?''

Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
and the boy next to you
took three what would you have ?
Pupil :
A fight !

Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teacher: Can you name one ?
Pupil: Lassie !

Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the

fish tank !
Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he
hasn't drunk
that yet !