Newest jokes

What a woman says: ''This place is a mess C'mon,

you and I need to clean up.

Your stuff is lying on the
floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry
right now!''

What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah,

C'mon
blah, blah, blah, blah,

you and I blah, blah, blah, blah,


on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah,

no clothes blah, blah,
blah, blah,

right now !

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was
walking
past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, ''Excuse me, did
you want
that cart?''
''No,'' he answered. ''I'm only after one
thing.''
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, ''Typical

male.''

What equine likes to cut in line?
A
sawhorse!

What duo were famous
for stealing horses?
Bonnie and
Clydesdale!

What does it mean if you find a horse
shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

What does ever horse and rider do at the same
time?
Grow old!

What do you give a sick horse?
Cough
stirrup.

|Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. ''What's wrong, Seamus?'' Paddy asked. ''Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?'' said Seamus. ''Ah, praise the Almighty!'' Paddy replied with relief. ''I thought I'd gone deaf!''

Why did the Avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick.

How can you tell when a skunk is
angry?
It raises a stink!

How can you tell a rabbit from a
skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

What's a skunk's favourite game

in school?
Show and smell!

What do you get if you cross a skunk
and a boomerang?
A smell that keeps coming back!

Some cows view each day as the last roundup,others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.Most cows view the new day as an exciting new opportunityto eat grass and point in the same direction as the other cows.

What is the difference between the Christmas

alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has
NO EL.

A mother was teaching her
3-year-old the
Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she
repeated it
after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The
mother
listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right
up
to the end of the prayer. ''Lead us not into temptation,'' she

prayed, ''but deliver us some E-mail, Amen.''

A precious little girl walks
into a pet
shop and asks in the sweetest
little lisp, ''Excuthe me, mithter, do
you keep widdle wabbits?''

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he
gets down on his knees, so that
he's on her level, and asks,


''Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby
or
maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?''


She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,

leans forward and says in a quiet voice, ''I don't fink my pet
python
weally gives a thit.''

On the way to
preschool, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her
little girl picked it
up and began playing with it.
'Be still, my heart,' thought my
friend, 'my daughter wants to
follow in my footsteps!' Then the
child spoke to the instrument: ''Welcome
to McDonald's. May I take your
order?''

A little boy opened the big and old family

Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Then
something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at
it
closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in
between
pages.
''Mommy, look what I found,'' the boy called out.
''What have you got
there, dear?'' his mother asked. With astonishment
in the young boy's
voice he answered: ''It's Adam's
clothes!!!!!''

|While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3.''They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4.''''What do you think?'' one asked the other.The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. ''Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!''