Newest jokes

What do you call the horse than lives next
door?
A neighbour!

What do you call a horse wearing Venetian
blinds?
A zebra!

There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that

broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of
the
NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he
should go
into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would
sometimes
watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for
fun.

Two
weathermen each broke an arm and a leg
in an accident, and called from the
hospital about the four
casts.

Q. What did one tornado say to the
other?

A. ''Let's twist again, like we did last summer....''

Q. What's the
difference between
'weather' and 'climate'?
A. You can 't 'weather' a tree, but you can
'climate'!

Q: What
did the thermometer say to the
other thermometer?
A: You make my temperature rise.

A blonde and a brunette were talking. The

brunette complained, ''Everytime my boyfriend brings home flowers, I have

to to spend the weekend with my legs in the air.'' The blonde asks,

''Don't you have a vase?''

A blonde is suffering from a
sore throat so
she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to
the doctor
who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says
''Open
wide.'' ''I can't'' replies the blonde, ''the chair's fitted with

arms.''

A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her

what she would like, and she replies, ''Bring me a beer.''
The
bartender then asks, ''Anheuser-Busch?''
To which she replies, ''Fine
thanks, and how's your cock?''

A psychologist returned from a confrence
in Aspen lodge, where all
the psychologists were permited to ski
for free. Her husband asked her,
''How it went?''. She replied, ''Fine,
but I've never seen so many
Freudians slips.''

What is the difference between a
psychiatrist and a psychologist?
If you say to a psychiatrist ''I hate my
mother,'' he will ask ''Why do
you say that?'' while a psychologist will
say ''Thank you for sharing
that with us.''

Yo mama house so small that when she orders a
large
pizza she had to go outside to eat it.

Yo mama house so small you have
to go
outside to change your mind.

Yo mama nose so big she makes
Pinochio
look like a cat!

Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from

the weight!

The
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
counting. Jackie got things
started by counting from 1 to 10. ''Now,
Fred,'' said the teacher, ''you take
over, beginning with
11.''
''11, 14, 23, 42, 26,'' said Fred.
''What kind of counting is that'?''
asked the teacher
''Who's counting'?'' replied Fred. ''I'm calling
signals.''

Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in
Spelling and 50 in History.
Mother: Well, at least you can add !

If you had one dollar and you
asked your
father for another, how many dollars would you have?
One dollar.

You don't know your arithmetic.
You don't know my father !

Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !