Newest jokes

What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of

fried chicken ?
She kicked the bucket !

Why did the chicken cross the road half way
?
He wanted to lay it on the line !

What do chicken families do on
Saturday
afternoon?
They go on peck-nics !

Yo mama
rouchy, the McDonalds she works
in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Yo
mama mouth so big, she speaks in
surround sound.

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse.Sent by Marge

Q. Why was the female blonde confused whilst going to the ladies toilet??A. She had to pull her own pants downSent by sam

|Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun? I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him.Apparently, just to anger him.

|A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. ''When you and I get out of here,'' the jailbird said to the fly. ''we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune.'' Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. ''What about this fly, eh?'' he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. ''Glad you saw it,'' muttered the bartender. ''Blasted things are everywhere.''

Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another

there, how many eggs will there be?
Fred: None!
Fred (surprised):
Why not?
Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!

TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is

the difference?
Stella: That's what I say, what's the
difference`?

Fred: I've
added these figures ten times.

Teacher: Good work!
Fred: And here are my ten answers !

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, ''What's that, Miss?''Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, ''That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.''Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, ''I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!''

Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got therehis teacher asked,''Why are you late little Johnny?''Johnny replied, ''My grandpa got burnt, Miss.''The teacher replied, ''I hope it wasn't too bad.''Then little Johnny said, ''Don't worry, the crematorium doesn'tmuck around!''

Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said,''You won't believe what I saw on the patio yesterday--a condom!''The second girl asked, ''What's a patio?''

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A
hoarse horse!

What do you call a horse that's been all around

the world?
A globe-trotter!

What do you call a horse that plays the
violin?
Fiddler on the hoof!

What disease do horses fear most?
Hay
Fever!

What did the wife say to the
undertaker when
he started hitting his broken down car?
Stop beating a dead
hearse!