Newest jokes

What did the baby skunk want to be when

he grew up?
A big stinker!

What's a skunk's philosophy of
life?
Eat, stink and be merry!

Q:What did the tornado say to the car?

A:('You wanna go for a spin?')

What are the hottest days during

summer?
Sun-days

Q. What did the fog say to the light rain
after her
vacation?
A. I mist you.

Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income

family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

What did one chicken say to the other after they

walked through poison ivy ?
''You scratch my beak and I'll
scratch yours !''

What is the definition of Robin ?
A bird who
steals !

Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a

barrel of potatos.

- In this day and age, the army should have a
machine to peel potatos,
complains Ivanov.

- Absolutely,
answered the sergeant. And you are its latest
model.

-
When the general comes, report to me
immediately. The general doesn't
show. The sergeant gets nervous and
every hour reminds the sentry to
report about the general's
arrival. Finally, the general comes in.

- Where have you been? asks
the sentry. The sergeant has already asked
about you four times.

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a

truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked
M.E.
for Medically Exempt.

Afterward a friend borrowed the
truss to wear for his physical. At the
end of the examination the
doctor stamped M.E. on his papers.

''Does that mean I'm medically
exempt?'' he asked.

''No,'' answered the doctor. ''M.E. stands for
Middle East. Anyone who
can wear a truss upside down can certainly ride
a camel.''

Colin
Powell, once USA's highest ranking
military officer, (now Secretary of
State), loves to relate this
incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the
importance of clear
objectives.

Finding an outpost at a very vulnerable spot, Powell
decided to
investigate why it was location was chosen. He was assured
that it was a very
important outpost.
''What's it's
mission?''
'' To protect the airfield!''
''What's the airfield here
for?''
''To resupply the outpost!''

One guy says to another guy, ''Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day...''Right away, his friend interrupts him, ''Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!''So he starts again, ''Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah...''

Q:
What do you call two spiders who just
got married?
A: Newlywebs.

Both of my marriages have been

disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.marr

BARTENDER: I think you've had enough,
sir.
DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy!
BARTENDER: Well, it must be
hard losing a wife....
DRUNK: It was almost impossible!

Before we got married,
I caught her in my
arms.
Now I catch her in my pockets.

What did the
horse say to whinnie the pooh
while watching his t.v. show?
I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What did the city worker say after his first
ever
pony trek?
I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so
hard!

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a

pail of water?
Jockey and Jill!