Newest jokes

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and
a blonde?

A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Three blondes are
sitting on a park bench
eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers,
one is biting hers, one
is licking hers. Which one is married?
The one with the wedding
ring, YOU SICK-O!

Q: Why do saunas remind some people of
blonde's?

A: Because they're both steaming and wet when you enter, and
they
don't mind if you bring friends.

Two neighbors had been fighting each other fornigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane andteaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use thebathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and ahalf of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; beingignored all the while, a semi pulls up in frontof Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a hugeriver. The cats took a large run up and leapt asfar as they could. Which cat drowned? Un-deux-trois cat sank (un deux trois quatre cinq)

Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us

oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an
orange!
Have you tried playing squash?

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas

?
A merry Christmas to ewe

What does Dracula write on his Christmas

cards ?
Best vicious of the season

I've had a slight
accident with your
sleigh, Father Christmas!
Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in
mint condition!
That's all right....now it's a mint with a
hole!

Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to

go out there and clear the snow!
I'm on my way, Father
Christmas.
Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on!
That's all
right! There's only one foot of snow!

Two
confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their
conversation drifted
from politics to cooking. ''I got a cookbook
once,'' said the first,
''but I could never do anything with
it.''

''Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?'' asked the second.

''You said
it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -
'Take a clean
dish and....'''

If a man says something in the middle
of a
forest, and there is no women
around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their

own business?

1. No mind
2. No business.

Q: Did you hear about the new ''morning after'' pill

for men?

A: It changes their blood type.

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of
tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold!

Earn cash in your spare time.. blackmail your friends!

Q. What do you call a one legged

linedancer?
A. Eileen (I Lean)

Q. What do you have when only one line dancer

comes to your party?
A. A One Liner!

What can Santa give away and still keep?

A cold.

Last year's Christmas pudding was so

awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full
of currants!