Newest jokes

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, oneis Polish, and one is Italian.They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven. The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, ''How many grains of sand are there in the world?'' The Italian guy says, ''Um, four trillion?'' and falls straight to Hell. The polish guy goes next and wants the angel toe ask a question. The angel says, ''How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?'' He says, ''Uh, ninety-eight billion?'' and also falls straight to Hell. Finally, it's the American's turn. He tells the angel he will ask the question, but he needs a pencil and paper. The angel snaps his fingers and it magically appears. The American proceeds to take the paper, makes hundreds of holes in it with the pencil and farts through it. He then asks the angel, ''Which hole did my fart go through?'' The angel replies, ''That's easy,'' and points to a hole. The American says...''No, it came out of this one!'' and points to his butt, and then goes to Heaven.

Q: How is a
marriage like a hot
bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Where did the burgers go after
their
wedding?
On a bun-eymoon!

Q: How do you know when you're at a
hillbilly
wedding?
A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the
church.

Q: What's one thing everybody sees in
a
blonde?

A: A dick.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple
orgasms?

A: Way to go team.

Q: What's the difference
between Indiana
and a blonde?

A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q. Where is the best place in a book
store to
find a man who is handsome,
a good lover and a stimulating
partner?

A. In the pages of a romance novel.

There are a lot of words you
can use to
describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could
still use them.

Two skunks were being chased by a

bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said ''Whatever shall we

do?''
''Let us spray!'' replied the other.

Why was the skunk angry?
He was
incensed!

What do you get if you cross a skunk

and a wasp?
Something that stinks and stings!

What is brown
and gray, has eight legs, and is
carrying a large trunk and a small
trunk?
A Chihuahua on
vacation with an elephant.

Alsation: What is your
favorite holiday?

Chihuahua: Howloween!

Cop coming upon a young couple making out....Cop: What the hell are you two doing?Boy: See honey, I told ya cops were stupid.

What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon
would go up!

How come nobody from Mexico is ever in the olympics?Because everybody that can Run, Jump, and Swim is already over here.Sent by Paul

Policeman: Why did you
crash into
that stop sign?
Motorist: I was only following orders.

Male secretary : ''Feel free to use my

dictaphone.''
New blonde employee : ''No thanks, I'll just use my finger
like
everyone else.''

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to

''iron,'' then we could do without the ironing lady.

Blonde
Wife: Well if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do
without
the gardener.