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Náhodný vtip

Heslo slovenskych televiznych reality show: Nie je hlavne zucasnit sa, ale prezit tu hanbu.

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What did the blonde say when she saw the YMCA sign??LOOK!!! They spelled MACY's wrong!!!!

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A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stopsthem. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.He tells them, ''Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use thewords liver and cheese in a sentence.'' So, the first guy says, ''I made a liver and cheese sandwich forlunch.''The agent says, ''That was good, you can go. What about you?'' he asksthe second guy.He says, ''Liver alone, cheese mine.''

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For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda. ''Milty, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace.Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde (grandfather) who you misses so much!''Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side.All were humming, ''Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom.''Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. ''My medium...Vashtri,'' she called. ''Come in. Who is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?''Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called, ''Grampa? Zayde?''''Ah, Milteleh?'' a thin voice quavered.''Yes! Yes!'' cried Milty. ''This is your Milty! Grandfather, are you happy in the other world?''''Milteleh, I am in bliss. With your bubbie together, we laugh, we sing. We gaze upon the shining face of the Lord!'' A dozen more questions did Milty ask of his zayde, and each question did his zayde answer, until ''So now, Milteleh, I have to go. The angels are calling. Just one more question I can answer. Ask. Ask.''''Zayde,'' sighed Milty, ''when did you learn to speak English?''

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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court
?
He heard the referee calling fowls

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Why did the turkey cross the road
?
To
prove he wasn't chicken

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Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross
the
road ?
Because he didn't have enough guts

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Why did the chicken cross the
playground
?
To get to the other slide

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How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots
of carrots.

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There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guywith a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinschersays to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over tothat restaurant and get something to eat.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.We've got dogs with us.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the DobermanPinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walkin. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,they're using them now, they're very good.' The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he putson a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This ismy seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'

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What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?''Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!''

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There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lioncame by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, ''Howfunny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?''After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbedthe lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course,and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring,he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good timeto be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he hadto think of something quick because he wasn't going to outrun the lion.Just then the gorilla saw a hunter's tent and ducked inside to hide.The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent.The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter'sshirt and hat, and started to read the paper.A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunterreading the paper, said, ''Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?''From behind the paper The gorilla answered, ''You mean the one thatscrewed the lion in the ass?''Flabergasted, the lion said, ''Holy Shit! It's in the paper already?''

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How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales StyleSalespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their timeselling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery twodays before the season opens. Software salespeople ship thefirst thing they catch and write up an invoice for anelephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint themgray and sell them as ''desktop elephants.''Sent by Alex

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Q. What do you call two line dancers doing the
dance
Shoot the Rooster?
A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

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A group of mountain
climbers once heard
Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They
were mountain-ears!

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How do you make a
glow worm happy ?
Cut
off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !

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What's a glow worms
favourite song
?
Wake me up before you glow glow !

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Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her
children weren't that bright !

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Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

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Don't be sexist... broads hate that!

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What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub? A self cleaning coven!

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