Newest jokes

One time Father Christmas lost his
underpants.
That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at
Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !

How long does it take to burn a candle down
?
About a wick !

What happened when the monster stole a bottle

of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.

On her annual visit to another planet,
an
old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. ''I hope this

spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound. ''Why?'' replies the cabin

steward. ''Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why.''

Mr Monster:
Oi, hurry up with my supper.

Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of

hands.

What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has
sixteen wheels?
A monster on roller-skates.

What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Half a
centipede !

Why was the centipede late ?
Because he was
playing ''This little Piggy'' with his baby brother
!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a
chicken ?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army !

What did one centipede say to the other

centipede ?
You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of legs
....!

What pillar doesn't need holding up ?
A
caterpillar !

Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million.

I call him our wonder player
Fan: Why's that?
Manager:
Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!

Why was the struggling mange
seen shaking
the club cat?
To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

Why should you be
careful playing against a
team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!

A manager was being interviewed after he had

resigned from a football club?

''Were the crowd not behind you''
asked the reporter

''They were right behind me all right'', said
the manager, ''But I
managed to shake them off at the station!''

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote

control just to operate her remote!

Yo mama so lazy that she came in
last
place in a recent snail marathon.

Yo mama head so small she use
a tea-bag
as a pillow.

Yo mama head so small that she got her ear

pierced and died.