Newest jokes

Three old ladies met on the street on a very
stormy
day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty
in
hearing each other.

''It's windy,'' said one.


''No, it's Thursday,'' said the next.

''So am I,'' said the third.
''Let's go and have a drink!''

An elderly lady did her shopping and,
upon
returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with

her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding

to scream at them at the top of her voice, ''I have a gun and I know

how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !''

The four men
didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad,
whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her
shopping
bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's
seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She

tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later
she
found her own car parked four or five spaces farther
down.

She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police
station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two
with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale
white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman
described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and
curly white hair carrying
a large handgun.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing
knives

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's

belongings

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Frozen Barbie on
a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section

There is a new Barbie
doll on the market
- East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a
Ken doll

IDEAL DATEAt 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 ''Split the check before we go back to my place'' 35 ''Just come over.'' 48 ''Just come over and cook.'' 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox

Age Line17 My parents are away for the weekend.25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.48 My wife is away for the weekend.66 My second wife is dead.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde? The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE STANDING ON HER HEAD?A BRUNETTE WITH BAD BREATH!Sent by C?M

Q: What's
the difference between a blonde
and McDonald's?

A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and
an ironing
board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an
ironing board.

Q: How can you tell who is a
blonde's
boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the
impression in
her forehead.

Why did god invent alcohol? - So fat women can get laid too.

When the milkman found a note on one of his customer'sdoors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart,he rang the bell.''Sorry to bother you, ma'am,'' he said, ''but are you sureyou want sixteen gallons of milk today?''''Oh, yes,'' said the lady of the house. ''I'm going to takea milk bath.''''Do you want it pasteurized?''''No, just up to my tits would be fine.''

Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?It's for the Christmas period.

I remember when Father Christmas first
passed his
sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the
toy factory.'Have
you passed?' I asked.
Father Christmas pointly
proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for
yourself!' he called
proudly. 'No-el plates!'

What does Father Christmas call his money
?
Iced lolly ?