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Náhodný vtip

V Cernobyle: "Serjoza, uz si si obul topanky?" "Pockaj mami, este tri!"

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Short-sighted sarge: ''Attention! You also,
you
little one in the back row with the red cap!''

''But sarge,
that's a hydrant!''

Sarge:''Anyway, in this place academics have
to obey as well.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly

soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle.

The
Sergeant said, ''How'd you learn to shoot like that ? Have you
ever
been in combat before?''

''Well suh,'' drawled the boy, ''To be
honest, this is my first public
war.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and
put down maximum
liberty. The skeleton crew didn't notice a
chimpanzee, escaped from a
nearby civilian transport, crawled up the ropes
and up to the
smokestack. Down the stack, it made its way into the
engine room. It came across
a power panel opened up for
maintenance, couldn't read the warning
signs, and with a bright blue blast
shorted out the ship's electrical
system, and plunged the ship into
darkness.

A little bit later, two junior Hull Technicians
wander down with their
flashlights, looking for the problem. They come
upon the blackened body
of the chimp. They shine their flashlights
on its long, burnt arms.
They look at each other. They highlight its
short legs and odd feet. They
look at each other. Finally one says,
''Well, it's too hairy to be an
Electrician, the legs are too short
for a Hull Tech, and there would be
more tatoos on a Bo'su
n. Call the wardroom, see if one of the duty
officers is
missing.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

There is a new
Barbie doll on the market
- Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head;
guillotine
included

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Crash Test Barbie ...comes with car and brick wall

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a
modest home
near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks
of his
retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year
began. The very
next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful,
after-school
enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on
every trash can they
encountered. The crashing percussion continued
day after day, until finally
the wise old man decided it was time
to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet
the young percussionists as
they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, ''You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you
express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the same
thing when I was your age. Will you do
me a favor? I'll give you
each a dollar if you'll promise to come
around every day and do your
thing.'' The kids were elated and continued
to do a bang-up jo
b on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted
the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face.


''This recession's really putting a big dent in my income,'' he told

them. ''From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on

the cans.''

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but
they did accept his
offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few
days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they drummed
their way down the street.

''Look,'' he said, ''I haven't received
my Social Security check yet,
so I'm not going to be able to give
you more than 25 cents. Will that
be okay?''

''A lousy
quarter?'' the drum leader exclaimed. ''If you think we're
going to waste
our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you're nuts! No
way, mister. We quit!''

And the old man enjoyed peace.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

How are skunks able to avoid

danger?
By using their instinks and common scents!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What do you get if you
cross a
skunk and a cartoon penguin?
Pingu-Pong!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

When should you feel sorry for a
skunk?
When its spray pump is out of order!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: ''Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll giveyou two dollars. Everybody wins.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problemof one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and Icould not help interrupting. ''Why not?'' said I. ''Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor ofJewish girls marrying Gentile boys.'' ''Why?'' chorused the women. And I said, ''Because why should the Jewish boys have all the badluck?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Well-known lodging chain

announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'll see

a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an

M&M.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What is a twip?
A twip is what
a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing

problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and
the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that
allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went
back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, ''Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear
again.''

To which the gentleman said, ''Oh, I haven't told my family
yet. I
just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will
three times!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Policeman: Why are you
driving
without a license?
Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Policeman: Why are you
driving that
car in circles?
Driver: I was just going for a little spin.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Policeman: Why are you driving on the
sidewalk?
Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

For the first time in many
years, a an old
man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a
movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to

purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help
but comment, ''The last
time I came to the movies, popcorn was only
15 cents.''

''Well, sir,'' the attendant replied with a grin,
''You're really
going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now..''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

An old
man visits his doctor and after
thorough examination the doctor tells
him: ''I have good news and bad
news, what would you like to hear
first?''

Patient: ''Well, give
me the bad news first.''

Doctor: ''You have cancer, I estimate
that you have about two years
left.''

Patient: ''OH NO! That's
awefull! In two years my life will be over!
What kind of good news
could you probably tell me, after this???''

Doctor: ''You also have
Alzheimer's. In about three months you are
going to forget
everything I told you.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

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