Newest jokes

Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math !

Teacher: Why does the
statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down !

Playing truant from school
is like a credit
card
Fun now, pay later !

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you
get detention alone !

Q: How does
a blonde interpret 6.9?


A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?


A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

|Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. ''Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die.'' ''Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?'' asked the other. ''Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together.''

|Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. ''We have 99'' replied the shop owner ''Give us the lot'' said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. ''I don't know sur'' he replied ''but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping''

|Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. ''Help!'' Barty shouted, ''Oi'm sinkin'!'' Don't worry,'' assured Mick. ''Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there.'' Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, ''Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help.'' As Mick was leaving, Barty called ''Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

|Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, ''Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?'' Pat said, ''Well, I have and I haven't.'' His friend asked, ''Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?'' Pat said, ''It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us.''

|Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: ''Mick! I lost me finger!'' ''Have you now?'' says Mick. ''And how did you do it?'' ''I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!''

|Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, ''The 10 Most Wanted.''One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.''Yes,'' said the policeman, ''the detectives want him very badly.''So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt, ''Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?''

|A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'

Teacher: If I gave you three
rabbits today
and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?
Jackie:
Nine.
Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.
Jackie: No,
Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at
home!

''Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
she asked us how much
is two and two. We told her it was four. But
she still doesn't know.
Today she asked us again!''

How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've
learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me

trouble.

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat
people jog around her for
exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat

next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean
and
spain claimed her for then new world