Newest jokes

What do you get if you cross
a tall green
monster with a fountain pen?
The Ink-credible Hulk.

Did you hear about the Irish monster who went

to night school to learn to read in the dark?

Q: What does a
screen door and a blonde have
in common?

A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What do you call two blondes in a
canoe?

A: Fur traders.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?


A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: Why is a blonde like
Australia?

A:
They're both down under, and no one cares.

Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping

trips?
Chihuahua: I like to ''ruff it!

I just spotted a Chihuahua!
That wasn't very
nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!

Why did the chicken cross the ''net'' ?
It
wanted to get to the other site !

What do you call a rooster who
wakes you up
at the same time every morning ?
An alarm cluck !

Why does a chicken coop have two doors
?
Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

How long do
chickens work ?
Around the
cluck !

Why did the chicken end up in the soup
?
Because it ran out of cluck !

Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers
does it take to change a
lightbulb ?
A: Look, for only $87 billion,
we can put up this chain of fluorescent
satellites that will
illuminate the whole planet.

Q: How many military information officers

does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: At the present point in
time it is against policy and the best
interests of military strategy
to divulge information of such a statistical
nature. Next question,
please.

Q: How many British navy Officers does it

take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven
weeks to get there.

Men are like animals:
messy, insensitive
and
potentially violent, but they make great pets.

There are only two four letter words that are

offensive to men:

''don't'' and ''stop''.

How do you scare a man?

Sneak up behind
him and start throwing rice.

One day in the Garden of
Eden, Eve calls out
to God, ''Lord, I
have a problem!''

''What's the problem,
Eve?''

''Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this
beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious

comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.''

''Why is that, Eve?''
came the reply from above.

''Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to
death of apples.''

''Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.
I shall create a man
for you.''

''What's a 'man', Lord?''


''This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies,

an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you

properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be

bigger
and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good
at
fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed

ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.''

''Sounds g
reat,'' says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

''Yeah,
well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt
stick. But, you
can have him on one condition.''

''What's that, Lord?''


''You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.''