Newest jokes

Why do gorillas have big noses? Because they have big fingers.

What is the
thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women.

Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your
foot off his head.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in
the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

What do you call a crazy chicken ?
A cuckoo
cluck !

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were
all
pointing the wrong way ?
She was tickled to death !

What do you get when you cross a chicken
with
a duck?
A bird that lays down !

Why don't chickens like people ?
They beat
eggs !

'Father Christmas has two
reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell
me
why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because
tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'

What reindeer can jump higher than a
house?
They all can! Houses can't jump!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the
beach ?
Because he didn't want to be recognised !

What game do reindeer play in their
stalls?
Stable-tennis!

How to Hunt Elephants -- QA StyleQuality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and lookfor mistakes the other hunters made when they were packingthe jeep.

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager StyleSenior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based onthe assumption that elephants are just like field mice, butwith deeper voices. Sent by Alex

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend''I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buya horse, I'm sending him over.''The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male orfemale horse.''A female horth,'' the midget replies.So the owner shows him one.''Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?'' So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse s mouth.''Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?''So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.''Ok, what about the earsth?''Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget onemore time and shows the ears.''OK, finally, I d like to see her twat,'' said the midget.With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head upthe horse's twat, then pulled him out.Shaking his head, the midget says, ''perhapth I should rephrase.I'd like to see her run!''

AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Age EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 Need to color my hair 48 Need to have Francois color my hair 66 Need to have Francois color my wig

Age FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 shopping

Age DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 ''Burger King'' 25 ''Free meal'' 35 ''A diamond'' 48 ''A bigger diamond'' 66 ''Home Alone''

Why was the monster standing on his head?

He was turning things over in his mind.