Newest jokes

What do you call three blondes on Santa's Lap??Ho Ho HoSent by Adam

|Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, ''What is this?'' to which lawyer number one replies, ''It's that $50 I owe you.''

Age FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man

Age HOUSE PET 17 Muffy the cat 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat 35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat 66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

Age WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 66

Age IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids 66 He can chew breakfast

Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her

rocking chair?
A: She wanted to rock and roll

What is six inches long, has a bald head, anddrives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do.

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating. ''Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?'' ''They're mating, Lucy'' he replied.''What do you call the spider on top Daddy?'' Lucy asked.''Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs.Lucy asked, ''Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is aMommy Longlegs?''Daddy replied, ''No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs.''Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!''

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. Alarge wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,''Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one withthe brown nose.''

What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the

Yukon?
Sow-r dough bread.

How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
Because it comes out in conversation

What makes an ideal present for
a monster?

Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

Did you hear about the
monster who lost
all his hair in the war?
He lost it in a hair raid.

What did the big, hairy monster do when he

lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.

|Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, ''Have I got all ye say there?'' The agent said, ''Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?'' Replied Murphy, ''Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with.''

|An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, ''Spit it out! Spit it out!''An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, ''No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent.''

What do you call a grasshopper
with no legs
?
A grasshover !

There were two guys walking down the streetand they saw a dog licking his nuts.One of the guys said. ''Man I wish I could do that''.Then the other guy said, ''Man that dog will bite you!''!