Newest jokes

The room was full of
pregnant women and
their partners. The Lamaze class
was in full swing. The instructor
was teaching the women how to breathe
properly, and informing the
men how to give the necessary assurances at
this stage of the
plan.
''Ladies, exercise is good for you,'' announced the teacher. ''Walking

is
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you
to take
the
time to go walking with your partner!''
The room
was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group
raised

his hand.
''Yes?'' asked the instructor.
''Is it all right if she
carries a golf bag while we walk?''

Sarah was reading a newspaper,
while her
husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out
laughing.
''Listen to this,'' she said. ''There's a classified ad here
where a
guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the
stadium.''
''Hmmm,'' her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, ''Would you swap me for a season ticket?''

''Absolutely not,'' he said.
''How sweet,'' Sarah said. ''Tell me why
not.''
''Season's more than half over,'' he said.

Paddy 'n'
Mick join the army, and are
put on street patrol in a city with a
military curfew. They are
given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the
streets after 6
o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when
Paddy spots a
man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up
the man in
his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.

''What are
you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!''

''I know what I'm doin'. I
know where he lives and he wouldn't have
made it!''

A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian. The lesbian requested a 15 year old, and the madam replied''I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers.''

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, ''I wish I had chest hair like you'' So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says ''It will work in about two months.'' Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks ''Why?'' Bob says ''to grow chest hair'' Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!''

Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night? So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One day Larry said to Joe, ''You know man its been a long time since we had some sex so you oughta let me fuck you.'' Joe replied. ''Are you crazy?!!'' Larrywent on to say, ''I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll flip a coin and see who fucks, who first. So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed. They flipped a coin and Larry won. Still having strong reservation Joe asked, ''How will you tell if it hurts or not?'' Larry told Joe, ''If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing.'' Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed, Moooooooo. Moooooo. Mooooon River......

yo mama so stupid she worked at an m&m
factory
and threw out all the W's.

Yo mama is so fat that when she went bunggie

jumping in a yellow dress, everyone was screaming the suns

falling!

Yo mama is so poor when her friend came over
to use
the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.

Yo mama's so fat, when
she was in school
she
sat next to everybody!

Yo Mama is so fat...when she took her shirt

off at the
strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut
from Star Wars

Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of theirherd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says,''I hear they're doing this to women in Chicago!''

Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their little legs apart?

What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? Finger on chin I don't know. Hits forehead Oh I get it!

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

How do you drownd a blonde???You place a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.Sent by L&S

What does a polite monster say when he meets
you for the
first time?
Pleased to eat you!

Why did the monster stop playing with his
brother?
He got tired of kicking him around.