Newest jokes

Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car
for
gas money.

Yo Mama is so fat, she had to be baptized
at
Sea world. (Lionheartyz)

Yo Mama So Fat she sat on a rainbow and made

skittles.

Yo Momma is so ugly that she scares blind

people!!!!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?
Because
they're both full of stuffing !

|Prison life versus a full-time jobIn prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.In prison you get three meals a day.At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.In prison you get time off for good behavior.At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.In prison you can watch TV and play games.At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.At work you are just ball-and-chained.In prison you get your own toilet.At work you have to share.In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required.At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.At work there are some programs you can never get out of.In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic.At work we have managers.

|On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: ''Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?''To which the farmer replied: ''Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!''

|''When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.''''You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.''

|A tourist asks a man in uniform, ''Are you a policeman?''''No, I am an undercover detective.''''So why are you in uniform?''''Today is my day off.''

What should a football team do if the pitch is

flooded?
Bring on their subs!

Our team is doing so badly that ''Manager of the

Month'' isn't an award.
It's an appointment!

What is worse than a
dog howling at the
moon?
Two dogs howling at the moon.

What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats
like
a dog, but isn't a dog?
A pup.

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a

monster?
Sir.

What
happened when Dr Frankenstein
swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.

Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein
invented
the safety match.
Igor: Yes, that was one of his most
striking achievements.

What does Frankenstein's monster call a
screwdriver?
Daddy.

What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?

He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent
contributor
to Madame Tussaud's.

We have women
in the military, but they
don't put us in the front lines. They don't
know if we can fight,
if we can kill. I think we can. All the general
has to do is walk
over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over
there? They say
you look fat in those uniforms.'

Seems there was a
young soldier, who,
just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't
have a
rifle.

''That's no problem, son,'' said the sergeant. ''Here, take this

broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang
Bang'.''

''But what about a bayonet, Sarge?'' asked the young (and gullible)

recruit.

The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of
the broom, and
attaches it to the handle end. ''Here, use this...
just go, 'Stabity Stab
Stab'.''

The recruit ends up alone on
the battlefield, holding just his broom.
Suddenly, a German soldier
charges at him. The recruit points the broom,
''Bangety Bang Bang!''
The German falls dead.

More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed
at his good luck, goes
''Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!'' He
mows down the enemy by the
dozens. Finally, the battlefield is
clear, except for one German soldier
walking slowly toward him.
n
''Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming.

''Bangety Bang Bang!'' repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets
desperate.
''Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!'' It's no
use.

The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and

says, ''Tankety Tank Tank.''