Newest jokes

Night. A sleeping couple
is lying in a
bed. Door bell rings. A couple
wakes up.
Woman: ''Quick! My husband
is back!''
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to
think: ''Shit!
But I
am the husband!''

What did the mama pig say
when junior pig
bought a basket of wormy apples?
''Don't tell the farmer. He might
charge us extra.''

What do you get hanging from Father

Christmas' roof?
Tired arms!

How do you make a slow reindeer fast
?
Don't feed it !

Father Christmas lost
his umbrella but
he didn't get wet! Why not?
Because it wasn't raining!

How to cats greet each other at

Christmas ?
''A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year'' !

Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It
was looking forward to Christmas!

Having passed
the enlistment physical,
Jon was asked by the doctor, ''Why do you want
to join the Navy,
son?''

''My father said it'd be a good idea, sir.''

''Oh? And
what does your father do?''

''He's in the Army, sir.''

The Army Airborne major was used to

harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out
of
perfectly good aircraft. ''Obviously the Air Force knows there's
no such
thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,''' the irritated
officer finally
countered one afternoon, ''because they pay you bastards
four times as
much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to
jump.''

''You've got it all wrong, Major,'' an Air Force sergeant
replied.
''The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an
airplane
voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary.''

Which fly makes films ?
Stephen Speilbug
!

What goes ''snap, crackle and pop'' ?
A
firefly with a short circuit !

What kind of
bee can keep an aeroplane dry
?
An aero-drone !

What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a

flea ?
Bugs Bunny !

How do you start an insect race ?
One, two,
flea - go

Q: What's the best
way to kill a man?
A:
Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to

pick only one.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed

gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the
pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men buy electric
lawn mowers?
A.
So they can find their way back to the house.

Q. How many men does it
take to wallpaper a
bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that
are
sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men
already have boyfriends.

What did Adam say on the day before
Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !