Newest jokes

One day in class the teacher has sex education.On the black board she drawsa penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is.In the back ofthe room,Dirty Johnny stands and says ''That's a penis,and my father has twoof them''. The teacher looks surprised and asks ''What do you mean,two?''DirtyJohnny responds,''A little one to pee,and a big one to brush the baby sittersteeth.''

Q. How do you keep the neighborhood kids off your front lawn?A. You molest them!.

What did the big cracker
say to the
little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !

Why does Father Christmas go down
chimneys?
Because they soot him!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No
you can have turkey like everyone else !

Why
does a bride smile when she walks up the
aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.

Whats the difference
between a bitch and a
whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a
bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.

Whats the difference between oral sex
and
anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Whats the difference between premenstrual
tension
and BSE?
One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural
problem.

How do you find your dog if
he's lost in the
woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
The
tomato is red.

How can you tell a dog from an elephant?
The
elephant remembers.

How did the dog feel when he lost his

flashlight?
Delighted.

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at
night?
He used a skeleton key.

Who was the most famous pirate
octopus?
Captain Squid!

What's an octopuses favourite latin
saying?
Squid pro quo!

What happens when sharks take their
clothes off ?
They go sharkers !

How did Frankenstein's
monster eat his
lunch?
He bolted it down.

Did you hear about the monster who went to a
holiday camp? He
won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and
he wasn't even
entered.

Did you hear
about the boy who had
to do a project on trains?
He had to keep track of everything!