Newest jokes

YO MAMAS SO FAT WHEN SHE WEARS A RED DRESS
ALL THE
KIDS SCREAM LOOK ITS THE KOOLAID MAN y

Yo Mama's so fat that while
she's sits
on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, ''Excuse
me
mame, but the tide wants to come in.''

Yo Mama's so fat that when
she sits on
the beach, whales swim up to her and sing ''We are
family...!''

You mama's so skinny ....she can hang glide
with a dorito!

Your so poor, I stepped in your house and

stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, ''Who turned of the

lights''.

What is a runner's
favourite subject in
school?
Jog-raphy!

What does Paul Inces mum make for
Christmas?
Ince pies!

What does a footballer and a magician have in
common?
Both do hat tricks!

What does a bee say before it
stings you
?
This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !

What do you get if you cross a bee with a door

bell?
A hum dinger !

How many bees do you need in a bee choir ?
A
humdred !

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good

student?
Because education pays off in the long run!

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, ''Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything.''

A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. ''Would you like to dance with me?''he asked.She replied ''Would I!'', and he sneered and told her,''BIG NOSE!''

A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. ''Jesus is watching you!'' ''who's there?'' The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. ''What's your name,'' the robber asked. ''Cocodora'' said the parrot. ''Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora'' said the robber. ''The same idiot who named the rotweiler Jesus'', said the parrot.

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, ''I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.'' And with that he slams another shot. The second mouse slams down a shot and says, ''That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it.'' And with that he slams another shot. The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, ''Where the hell are you going?'' The third mouse stops and replies, ''I'm going home to fuck the cat.''

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.''Why did you do that?'' the giraffe asks.''When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,'' the elephant replied.''Wow! You must have a good memory!'' exclaimed the giraffe.''Yep!'' said the elephant. ''I've got Turtle-Recall.''

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. ''Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?'' the service guy asks. ''Boy,'' is the man's response. ''Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there,'' says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some nstructions: ''Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.'' The man asks, ''What do I do with the shotgun?'' The service guy replies, ''If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.''

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped
them, they'd break