Newest jokes

How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He
built hotels on Pork Place.

How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a
sty-scraper!

FARMER: Who raided my vegetable
patch?

PIGLET: Beets me!

FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves

you?
SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and

kisses.

A guy driving a truck in the middle of

nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker
falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the
hitch-hiker wakes up,''what the
hell was that?''. The truck driver
replies, ''some kinda animal, go
back to sleep.''
Further the same thing again, bang, ''What the hell was
that?'',
''some kinda animal again.''
Further into the night, bang,
bang, bang, ''What the hell was that?'',
''Some bastard!''. ''How
terrible'',says the hitch-hiker, ''but there
were
3 bangs''
The truck
driver replies, ''Yeah, well I had to go through two fences
to get the
bastard. . .''

a quadruple amputee is waiting at the

bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says
''alright John, how you
getting on today?''

A driver, obviously
drunk, was
heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him
over. ''Didn't
you see the arrow, buddy?'' he asked.
''An arrow?''
the confused driver said. ''I didn't even see the
Indians

Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston
Vanilla!

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a
crossbar?
All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who went to the toilet?A: He wiped the chain and pulled himself.

Why did God create women?
To carry semen
from the bedroom to the toilet.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the

bird of true love?
The swallow.

Did you ever
blow bubbles as as child? Yeh,
well he's back in town and wants your new
number.

Q . what did the sign on the whore house

say?A: Beat it we are closed

What do you give a train driver for
Christmas
?
Platform shoes !

What do you get if you
cross an apple
with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !

What did the bald man say when he got
a
comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !

Why is a burning candle like being

thirsty ?
Beacause a little water ends both of them !

What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle
Bells, Jungle bells.. !

What does the bee Santa Claus say ?
Ho hum
hum !