Newest jokes

A husband was trying to prove to his wife
that
women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated
that men use about 10,000 words
per day, whereas women use 20,000
words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then
told her husband that
women use twice as many words as men because
they have to repeat
everything they say.

Her husband looked
stunned. He said ''What?''

Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?

- Because a woman who can't afford a washing
machine will probably
never be able to support you.

How many men
does it take to open a beer?


- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that

criminal?
Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.

Police Chief:
Why do you spend all your
time trying to hit flies?
Officer: You assigned me to the swat team,
didn't you?

Police Chief: Why did you arrest
that
doctor?
Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

Fred came home from his first day at school.
''Nothing exciting
happened'', he told his mother, ''Except the teacher
didn't know how to spell
cat so I told her''

Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?

He called it ''Ham Hocks''.

Did you hear about the pig who tried to
start
a hot-air balloon business?
He couldn't get it off the ground.
.

Did you hear about the piglets
who wanted to
do something special for mother's day?
What did they do?
They
threw a sowprize party.

Q:
What can you find in a man's pants that
is about six inches long, has
a head on it, and that women love so
much that they often blow it? A: a
$20 bill

Q: What is a four-letter
word that ends in
'k' and means the same as intercourse? A: Talk

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette saidthat her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him ''Headand Shoulders'' and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively,''How do you give shoulders?''

The complaint letter from Judi:We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff. Sined by the blonds at the ofise (sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)

Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!Judi: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.Judi: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth? A1: You need a quarter to use the phone. A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Why did the bees go on strike ?
Because they
wanted more honey and shorter working flowers !

What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life:''When it all boils done to the essence of truth,'' the philosopher said, ''one must live by a dog's rule of life'':''If you can't eat it or fuck it...PISS ON IT!''

What does a blonde and a screen door have in common?The more you bang 'em the looser they get.