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Náhodný vtip

Z volebneho programu slovenskej politickej strany: Zvysit ludom platy o 100 percent! (Zoznam ludi, je v prilohe.)

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All our pigs are learning karate.
Oh, I don't
believe that
No? Well, just watch out for their chops.

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A city child came running into the farmhouse. ''No
wonder
that mama pig is so big,'' she yelled.
''There's a bunch
of little pigs out there blowing her up!''

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A man went into a store to buy some condoms.
''That's 1 dollar
15 plus tax,'' said the store assistant. ''I don't
need tacks,'' said
the man. ''It'll stay up all by itself.''

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0101.sk

What do you call a blonde with white eyes?full up......Sent by Rob

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Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

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A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, ''your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one.''The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay.''637'', said the blonde.The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain.''I'll take that feisty one over there'', said the blonde.Then the farmer said to the blonde, ''Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?

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51 DAYSA bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door burstsopen and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order fivebottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at alarge table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begintoasting and chanting, ''51 days, 51 days, 51 days!'' Soon, three more blondesarrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. ''51 days, 51 days, 51days!'' Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raisingthe roof. ''51 days, 51 days, 51 days!'' Finally, the tenth blonde comes in witha picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in themiddle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing aroundthe table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting ''51 days, 51 days, 51days!''The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to thetable. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of theCookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asksone of the blondes, ''What's all the chanting and celebration about?The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, ''Everyone thinks that blondesare dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight.Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side ofthe box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! ''

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Yo Mama so fat, she's gotta wake up in
sections

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Yo momma so fat she
jumped in the air and

got stuck.

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Yo Mama's so stupid,she got locked in a
''Furniture
World'' and slept on the floor.

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Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a

chinese phone book

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Yo Mama so dumb she put lipstick on her

fore-head to make up her mind.

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Who is a bee's favourite painter ?
Pablo
Beecasso !

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What did the spider say to the bee ?
Your
honey or your life !

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What is a baby bee ?
A little humbug !

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What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy

road ?
A mutt in a rut !

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When is a black dog not a black dog ?
When
it's a greyhound !

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What do you get if you cross a dog with a

blind mole ?
A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !

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There was an Irishman, a New Zealand man and an American man standing on the roof of a building, with an awning below them.The American said to the Irishman: ''I bet I could jump off this roof, land on the awning and bounce back off.'' So he jumped off, hit the awning, and was soon back on the roof. ''There. Now you try.'' he said to the Irishman.So the Irishman jumped off, and fell SPLAT on the ground.The New Zealander said to the American : ''Jeez, Superman, you are a real jerk sometimes!''

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Q: How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?A: Insert Bill here.

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