Newest jokes

I was making love to this girl and she started

crying. I said, ''Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?'' She

said, ''No, I hate myself now.''

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful,
provided you
get between the right man and the right woman.

Why is
sex like a game of bridge? -You
don't need a partner if you have a good
hand.

Why are condoms like cameras? -they both capture
the moment.

What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
the
teacher told you not to?
She draws a smack!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this

test!

Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could
give
you!

Father: You were absent on the day of the
test?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

''It's clear'' said the teacher, ''That you

haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?'' ''Well, my dad

says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it

settles down!''

Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me
that ticket?
Policeman: It was a moving violation.

Police Chief: Why are you
putting handcuffs
on that building?
Officer: I'm making a house arrest

Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you

back there?
Motorist: I thought you were saying ''Good morning,
Mr. Mayor.''
Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast
through the next
town.

A friend of
mine told me he had signed up
with one of these on-line
dating services. I asked him the other day
if he had had any luck and
he said he'd quit -- seems they'd
matched him up with his wife.

What is the bees favourite film ?
The Sting
!

Who is the bees favourite singer ?
Sting
!

Who is the bees favourite pop group ?
The
bee gees !

What did the bee to the other bee in summer
?
Swarm here isn't it !

Where do bees keep their money ?
In a honey
box !

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an

Australian dog ?
Dingo Starr !

Did you hear about the pig's vacation?
They
had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up

as bears and raided all the garbage cans.

Did you hear about the pigs
who took up
motorcycling?
They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.