Christmas Jokes 

Doctor,
Doctor I'm scared of Father
Christmas
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of

Christmas I can't sleep.
Try lying on the edge of your
bed...you'll soon drop off!

I wouldn't say
Christmas gnomes are
ugly,
But if beauty's skin deep then they were was born inside
out!

I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are
small.
But they used to be lumberjacks on a mushroom farm!

My problem is that I
keep stealing
things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me
something for
it!
Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and
bring
me a new video camera.

I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are

cross-eyed,
but when they cry the tears run down their back!

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas

entertainment ?
A phantomime !

What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing

to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night?
Freeze a
jolly good fellow!

Father
Christmas: How do I stop a
Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?
Gnome : Put a five pound note
between his teeth and stick his head over
the side of the
sledge.

What do gnomes fear
most about
Christmas?
They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady,
my face is my ticket.
Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch
out... there's a feller
inside who has the job of punching the
tickets.

Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step

on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?
Lady: You
certainly did!
Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the
right
row!

Father Christmas:I
like the story about
the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to

Granny.
Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!

Father Christmas:
What's your favourite
Christmas story?
Elf: The one about the ghost that steals
porridge!
Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who

casts spells in the middle of a swamp.
Father Christmas: That's
called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!

Father Christmas: What's your
favourite
Christmas story?
Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared
of the Big Bad Wolf
and they grow on trees!
Father Christmas: You
mean 'The Three Little Figs'.

What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas

game?
Mean-opoly.

Someone
bought Scrooge a clock for
Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.
Why did he do that?
He was
trying to save time!

Who delievers cat's Christmas
presents
?
Santa Paws !

A rabbit's favourite Christmas
song?
'Lettuce with a gladsome mind'