Monster jokes 

What did the big, hairy monster do when he

lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.

Why was the monster standing on his head?

He was turning things over in his mind.

What do you get if you cross
a tall green
monster with a fountain pen?
The Ink-credible Hulk.

Did you hear about the Irish monster who went

to night school to learn to read in the dark?

What happened when the monster stole a bottle

of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.

On her annual visit to another planet,
an
old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. ''I hope this

spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound. ''Why?'' replies the cabin

steward. ''Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why.''

Mr Monster:
Oi, hurry up with my supper.

Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of

hands.

What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has
sixteen wheels?
A monster on roller-skates.

What did Frankenstein's
monster say when
he was struck by lightning?
Thanks, I needed that.

What should you do if a monster runs

through your front door?
Run through the back door.

How do you stop a monster digging up your

garden?
Take his spade away.

What do you do with a green monster?
Put
it in the sun until it ripens!

Why did the monster
take his nose apart?

To see what made it run.

What does a monster mom say to her
kids at
dinnertime?
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.

What happens if a big hairy monster sits in

front of you at the movie theater?
You miss most of the film.

First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's

hanging out.
Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your
necktie!

What do you call
a huge, ugly, slobbering,
furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
Anything you like ? he
can't hear you.

Why is stupid monster
like a
jack-o'-lantern?
They both have empty heads.

The monster spent a fortune
on deodorants
before he found out that people didn't like him
anyway.

How do man-eating monsters count to a
thousand?
On their warts.