Hunting jokes 

A big-game hunter came across a dinosaur in
the middle of the
jungle and stared at it surprise.''You're extinct,''
he said. The
dinosaur was hard of hearing.''What was that you said?''
The hunter shouted
at the top of his voice.''You are extinct.'' The
dinosaur looked a
little nonplused. ''So would you if you'd been
dead for six milion
years.''

Dick and Bob
were on a hunting trip. At
nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been
hunting all day. We've
shot at five deer - and not hit one!'
'OK. Let's miss two more and
then head back to camp,' said
Bob.

What did the turkey say to the turkey
hunter?
''Quack! Quack! Quack!''

Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting.

Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How
come?
The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.

What's
the easiest way for a Gorilla
hunter to make money?
Collect unemployment insurance!

What's the difference between a hunter and a

fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.

The
Wednesday-night church service
coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our
pastor asked who had
bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the
pastor said, ''I
don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were
unable to
make service because of hunting season. I had the whole
congregation
pray for your deer.''
One hunter groaned, ''Well, it worked. They're
all safe.''

What is the best
way to hunt bear?

With your clothes off

What do you get if you cross a telephone with

a hunting dog?
A golden receiver!

Did you hear about the bear hunter?


Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a

large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just
as
he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began
to
speak to him!

''Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do
you want? Let's
negotiate the matter,'' said the
bear.

Lowering his rifle in shock, the hunter thought a second, and then

replied, ''I want a fur coat.''

A couple of hunters from Prague are out
hunting, and an emormous
bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of
the hunters.
Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive,
trapped in the belly of the
grizzly.
The other hunter runs back to
town and organizes a rescue party which
heads back to the woods
armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.

Soon they spot two bears on
the horizon and everybody starts shooting
at the bear that's
closest to them.

''No, not that one,'' shouts the surviving hunter,
''That's the
female.''

''The Czech is in the male.''

A young reporter went to a retirement home to

interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the
old man to
tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.


The old explorer said, ''Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the

jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native
gunbearer was
behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen
leaped onto the
path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only
to find the native
had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a
mighty ROARRRR! I soiled
myself.''

The reporter said, ''Under
those circumstances anyone would have done
the same.''

The old
explorer said, ''No, not then - just now when I went
'ROARRRR!'''

What does the lion say to his
friends
before they go out hunting for food ?
'Let us prey.'

Two hunters went moose
hunting every
winter without success. Finally, they came up with a
fool-proof plan.
They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating
call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure
the bull, then come out of
the costume and shoot the bull. They set
themselves up on the edge of a
clearing, donned their costume, and
began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was
answered as a bull came crashing out of the
forest and into the
clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said,
''Okay, lets get
out and get him.''

After a moment that seemed
like an eternity, the guy in the back
shouted, ''The zipper is
stuck! What are we going to do!?''

The guy in the front says, ''Well,
I don't know how about you but I'm
going to start nibbling
grass.''

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.

They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching
something.

The first redneck says to the other, ''If you get lost, fire
three
shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and
find you.''

After about three hours, the second redneck finds he
is really lost. He
decides to fire three shots into the air as the
first man told him. He
then waits an hour and does it again. He
repeats this until he is out
of ammo.

The next morning, the
first redneck finds the second with the help of
forest rangers. He
asks the second redneck man if he did what he told
him to
do.

The redneck answers, ''Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour

on the hour until I ran out of arrows.''