Spelling jokes 

What ten letter word starts with
g-a-s?
Automobile.

Can you spell eighty in two
letters?
A-T.

What insect can be spelled with just one
letter?
Bee.

Two men were walking home after a Halloween
party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in
the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise
coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with
fear, they found an old
man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away
at one of the headstones.
''Holy cow, Mister,'' one of them said
after catching his breath, ''You
scared us half to death -- we thought
you were a ghost! What are you
doing working here so late at night?''
''Those fools!'' the old man
grumbled. ''They misspelled my name!''

A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a
group
of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an

entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges

had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to
quickly
come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the
Aggiess
started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard
just smiled and
prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood
up and for his
group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride
on camels walking
two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the
crowd politely applauded -
they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and
the Aggies just continued
laughing throughout the whole process. One
Aggie stopped giggling long
enough to stand and read the team's
effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a
hunting went, we came upon three
women in a tent. Since they were three and
we were two, I buk one
and Timbuktu!'

Luke had it first, Paul had it
lost; boys
never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it
twice in
the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it

again. What is it?
The letter L.

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c
u r yy 4
me.
Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are
too wise for me.

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and
a West
Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them
to
complete the sentence: ''Old MacDonald had a ...'' The Indianan
said, ''Old
MacDonald had a carburetor.'' ''Sorry,'' said the MC. ''That's

incorrect.'' ''Old MacDonald had a flat tire,'' said the Kentuckian.
''Wrong,''
said the host.
''Old MacDonald had a farm,'' said the West Virginian.
''That's
correct!'' shouted the MC. ''Now for $200,000, spell farm.''
The West
Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:

''E-I-E-I-O.''

Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?
Redneck: Which one? The river or the
state?

''Mah son's real smart!'' crowed the redneck

mother to an acquaintance. ''He's only six but he can already spell

his name backwards and forwards!'' ''What's his name?'' asked the

friend. ''Bob.''

''Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?''

The teacher was rather bewildered. ''Don't you mean Michael?'' she

asked. ''No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already.''

Daughter: I will never learn to
spell.
Mother: Why?
Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

''I gotta 'A' in
spelling,'' Tony told
his father.
''You dope!'' he replied. ''There isn't any 'A' in

'spelling'!''

Early Texas governors were not very well
educated. There was once a
chief executive who thought ''grammar'' was
his father's mother.

On one occasion this governor went hunting
and forgot his gun. He
phoned his secretary and asked him to send
the gun.

''The phone connection's bad,'' said the secretary. ''I
couldn't
catch that last word. Spell it.''

The governor
replied, '' 'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion;
'N' like in
pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!''

School Doctor:
Have you ever had trouble
with appendicitis? Fred: Only when I tried to
spell it.

How do you spell wrong? R?o?n?g.
That's
wrong.
That's what you asked for, isn't it?

First witch: Here's a banana
if you can
spell it.
Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't know when
to
stop.

The young lad had applied for a job, and was
asked his full name.
''Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan,'' he replied.
''How do you spell that?'' asked
the manager. ''Er ? sir ? er ? can't
you just put it down without
spelling it?''