School jokes 

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have

there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me?

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
school
this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the
other half this afternoon!

Father:
How do you like going to
school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm
not
too keen on the time in-between!

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you

to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At
once!

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me.

Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having
trouble listening!

Teacher: What are
the Great
Plains?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father:
Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel
well?
Son: In school!

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith
then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.

Teacher: Why is that?
Pupil: He
doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

Teacher: Is
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an
animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now
name another.
Class: Another reindeer!

I
failed every subject except for
algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!

Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes
and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math!

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi
such an
unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!

Teacher: You're new
here aren't you,
what's your name?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and

won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is
this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

A history joke
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil:
Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a
day!

Father: I hear you skipped school
to play
football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn't know where the
Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time
remember where you put things!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't

you?
Pupil: Not very much!

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put

your hand to your mouth!

Pupil: What?, and get bitten!

Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!